Birthday(s)

Saturday was a fun day in our house.

Levi turned 4 and I turned 29!!

Can you believe I had my son on my birthday?? I surely couldn't. He was 8 days 'early' and a wonderful birthday surprise!!

I went into labor during my birthday celebration dinner with the Qualls family. By the time dinner was served my contractions were to the point that I couldn't really enjoy the chicken lasagna that Denise had prepared.

I waited a long time to go to the hospital because two weeks before I had gone into false labor. This being my third child, I knew for sure I was in real labor! I went to the hospital only to be sent home. I was so embarrassed! I was afraid of that happening again, so I waited just to be sure.

But it was the right decision to go. He was born that night, on my birthday. What made it even more special, was that he was delivered by the same doctor who had delivered me 25 years ago to the day! Pretty neat, huh?? It was very, very special.

I would come to see just how special in the months that followed. For more on that go to the 'My Story' page.

It has been fun celebrating together each year since. He is such a blessing to our family and to me each day. Sometimes I find myself just watching him. And then my cheeks start to hurt and I realize that it's from smiling so much. I really could eat him with a spoon. He is just that sweet! This year we decided to go bowling. It's one of our family's favorite things to do. Levi had been talking about it for months! He was so excited.

  

Afterward, my sweet mother-in-law offered to take the kids for the evening so Dustin and I could have some time alone on my birthday. We went to one of my favorite restaurants where we ate some awesome food and where I got some awesome pictures! Not just of me and my man, but of the beautiful scenery as well. I love this town I live in!!

It's a horrible fault of mine that I do not speak enough about Dustin. I wish I were a bit more of a romantic. For some reason, it's just hard. But I want to try harder, so here it goes...

I love my husband. I love that he works hard providing for our family. I love that he works with his hands and that's why they are so calloused. I love that he smells like sawdust every day of his life. I love that he tries to make our marriage better. That he tries to make me 'happy'. I love that he has never given up on us. I love that he loves our kids and plays with them. I love that he tries with Olivia even when he doesn't understand her girlish, seven-year-old ways. I love that he makes me laugh. I love that he gets me and I get him. I love that he loves God. I love that he supports me in ministry. And I love that our marriage isn't perfect, but that God is perfecting us through our marriage.

I took these pictures while we were waiting to be seated. I was just drinking in the view! What a gift! It's moments like these (and when I'm staring at my kids and my man...) that I thank God He gave me sight.

It was a glorious birthday with friends and family, beautiful views, wonderful conversations, and pondering the many, many gifts God has given me. I am so blessed.

I loved the pelicans!

God's Favorites

Does God have favorites?

If so, who are they?

---------------------------

I have continued studying 'Jesus, the One and Only' a Beth Moore study. We just finished week 3. This morning during the video as I listened to her teach I cried. God is using her words to convict and encourage me all within the same minute. God is also giving me a fresh perspective.

So as I listened to her teach and read the words of God the tears flowed. It was a good, cleansing cry. It didn't matter who was around, who saw or heard - I blew my nose twice - I needed it and I'm glad the tears flowed freely.

Through this study I honestly feel as if I am meeting Jesus for the first time. I am seeing Him in a different light. Maybe I am finally beginning to understand things. Who He is and how much He loves me and all those he came to serve, teach, heal, minister to and die for.

I am seeing the 'human' side of God and how that humanity effected His ministry. Hence the name, The Son of Man, which was what he referred to himself the most as. There were limitations that he relinquished himself to. Although he was God 100%, he was fully man too. It was all part of his divine plan - to be human for a while.

"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." Jn. 1:14

"...and she will call him Immanuel." Isaiah 7:14   (Immanuel literally meaning "the with us God")

These things I have known and heard and been taught for as long as I can remember. I am glad that God is giving me fresh eyes to see these facts anew. It's time.

This morning we were camped out on a mountain side near the Sea of Galilee and listened as Jesus spoke to his newly appointed disciples. (Luke 6:17-36) I love how you can read a passage that you have practically memorized and then all of a sudden something new jumps off the page and either gently kisses you or smacks you in the face, which ever one is needed. I think I got a bit of both.

So for the sake of context...

Christ had just chosen his 12 disciples, whom he also appointed apostles. (Luke 6:12) Very soon after, he went down to where a large crowd had gathered. This was to be the disciples induction into ministry. Beth wanted us to go there. To become eye-witnesses. To try and envision what this mass of people might have been like, who they might have been, what they might have looked, even smelled like. So for that, we went to Matthew 4.

Matthew gave a bit more insight to who these people were. Therefore, what kind of experience the disciples might have had. What they might have felt and thought.

"...and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them." v.24

Luke added, "and the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all." v.19

Go there with me...
What kind of various diseases? Were they contagious? Were the people delirious? Have you ever seen someone in severe pain? What does their face look like? Were they desperate? Have you yourself experienced that? Were there sounds? Moaning, screaming, crying? Have you ever seen someone who was demon-possessed? Heard stories, seen movies? Would you have been scared? What about seizures? What does someone look like who is having a seizure? Would you have stared? What about the paralyzed? How would they have gotten there? Would they have been carried? Would they have bathed beforehand? Would they have smelled? Would you have helped them get closer to Jesus? Would you have been uncomfortable?

I know I would have...

This was the disciple's baptism into ministry. They were immediately thrown into a sea of suffering and confronted with the unfairness of life. Jesus didn't allow them to waltz very long in the romanticism of ministry. Very quickly they were faced with reality and that often times equals pain.

But what else did Jesus show them? Where else did he 'take' them?

"...and he healed them." v.24

What do you think Jesus saw when he looked out across this sea of people? Did he see their faces? Did he look into their eyes? Did he see their pain? Feel their desperation? Did he love them? Did he long for their salvation? Their complete healing? Were they his favorite?

It wouldn't seem like it. They were the ones that really bad things had happened to. They were the ones experiencing the unfairness of life. Pain. Anger. Bitterness. Regret. True suffering. No one would have looked at them and said, "God's favor is upon you." No one would have looked at them with envy. Pity maybe, but not envy.

But then Jesus does a funny thing. He stops his healing, turns to his disciples and says to them,

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man...

Do you think he might have been referring to the people around them? Was he calling them blessed? Did he accidentally pick the wrong word? Did he understand that blessed means 'possessing the favor of God, the state of being marked by the fullness from God'? Did he really mean 'My favor is upon them'? In other words, 'They are my favorites'? Is that what he was saying?

Yes, that is what he was saying.

Beth compared this kind of favor to a mother's favor over her sick child. She doesn't love the sick child more than her healthy children. But she does show that precious sick one a little more favor than the others. She gives her a little more attention while she is in need. Bends gently over her, feels her forehead with her lips, makes her comfortable, stays up nights at her bedside, prays for her, doesn't leave her until she is well again. I don't know about you, but that's what I long for the most from my Savior during the times of my deepest need.

Can we trust God to favor the suffering? Are you the suffering? Do you know someone who is suffering? They have been marked by God. And they/you are His favorite.

I think He was also saying, this life is so unfair, but just wait, my future for you is even more unfair! Oh, how thankful I am for that! And no that is not a typo. Because what would truly be fair, would be for us to be eternally separated from Him. That would be fair. Praise God that He isn't fair.

So what do we have to look forward to?

for yours is the kingdom of God

  for you will be satisfied

for you will laugh

great is your reward in heaven

then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High

I am learning that Christ does and acts and loves the very opposite of how I think he should. When I am suffering or see someone suffering, my first thought is where is God? Why is this happening? This isn't fair. But he is HERE, he has a PURPOSE, and no, it isn't FAIR. Thank God it isn't.

And just when I think that he's forgotten me, I've really only then become his favorite.


*I feel like I should say that most of what I have written here was taken from my notes from Beth's talk today and from the Bible Study that she has written. These are not my original thoughts, only what I've been mulling over the past couple of days...

A Valentine

 

 

Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday.



I'm not sure why that is. But I've always... *eh hem* ... hated the 'love' holiday. I love the story behind it. There really was a man named Valentine. He stood and fought for marriage to be legal among soldiers who fought for Rome. (for a brief history go here) But nobody talks about the real meaning of the holiday anymore. They just put a lot of pressure on poor husbands and boyfriends all over the country. And then there are always the unrealistic expectations left for the women.

Maybe I've become cynical. Maybe I'm just unromantic. Or maybe somewhere deep down I've been hurt. Maybe my cynicism reflects my insecurity. But why would I want to think about that on today of all days? Well, I guess it is the day after...

My mom always made a big deal on Valentine's when we were kids. There were thoughtful gifts, a trail of construction paper hearts, heart-shaped pancakes... She still does. This v-day she made me some brownies and to-die-for raspberry squares of some kind which are scrumptious with a cup of hot tea! I have always appreciated that.

When I became a mother I assumed I would catch the creative Valentine gene and cute heart-shape things would just burst out of me like confetti!

Once again, wrong.

It's something I have to 'work' at. But it's something I mostly fail at. Seriously, one of the first things I thought after we decided to homeschool was Yes! I wont have to buy 50 of those stupid little valentine's!

This Valentine's was actually sweet. Dustin announced on Saturday that he would take the boys v-day shopping. I was a little surprised. He knows he can get away with the bare minimum with this girl. Plus we have all been sick, so neither of us really had the energy. I soon caught the Valentine bug (which was so much more pleasant than the other one we've been fighting) and Livie and I went and did some of our own Valentine shopping which ended up being a lot of fun. We even got extra to make for some friends! Man, I must have been sick!

Deacon was curious about what it all meant, and I overheard Dustin explaining it to him.

"Well, you go Valentine's shopping for the special ladies in your life. And buy something like candy or flowers. Who are the special ladies in your life?"

I was sitting quietly waiting for his answer. Expecting him to immediately say Mom or Livie.

Instead he very shyly said, whispered in fact, "Abby and Ba-Ba".  (Ba-Ba is what my kids call my mom) (Abby is a friend he has known since they were babies)

I really wasn't surprised. These ladies are really important to him and when he loves, he loves deeply. There are other important ladies in his life as well. I know that I am one of them, so I was ok with his answer. It was actually really sweet and very appropriate. I knew that Ba-ba would make things special for him on v-day. It only made sense for him to have something special for her in return. 

They did exchange valentine's and so did him and Abby. He took very seriously his job of finding the perfect Valentine gift for Abby. Instead of the usual chocolates or candy he opted for something 'meatier'. A cake! I thought it was so cute! Such young, sweet love!

The pictures are of their valentine exchange. The smiles say it all!

So do I still hate Valentine's? Yes. But I really enjoyed this one. Kids can make things really special, without even trying.

Remembering

Lyrics to Sara Groves' song Remember Surrender:

Remember surrender  Remember the rest 
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was

Remember surrender Remember relief
Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks
As the warmth of the heavenly father came closing in

I want to do that again Why can't I live there
And make my home In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember

Remember surrender  Remember peace
Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep
In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun

Remember surrender Remember that sound
Of all of those voices inside dying down
But the one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within

I want to do that again Why can't I live there
And make my home In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember

Remember
Oh surrender

I want to do that again Oh why can't I live there
And make my home In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember

Remember surrender Remember the rest
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was •

It's one of my favorites. It's where I am.

A Question

It's good to study Scripture on your own. Reading His personal letter of love and grace and forgiveness in the quietness of your own room. But if you are anything like me, it's nice having a bit of help and guidance.

I just started a new Beth Moore Bible Study at my church. Jesus, the One and Only. I was formally introduced to her studies two summers ago when I did her Esther study. It was so life changing. I haven't been in 'Bible Study' since then and I have missed it dearly. I especially love her 'down-to-earth', southern nature. It's fun being able to relate to this woman.
Today I was struck by something in particular. She asked a question:

What if God gave us every thing we ever wanted, including eternal security? But there was a catch - No God. Would you take it?

The answer might seem obvious. Of course not! But I began to really think about what my answer is to that question. Do I really walk in that - clinging to God rather than all of my have not's?

She read the passage in Exodus 33.
God was basically telling the Israelites that He was sick and tired of them. He was done. He would give them the promised land. He would fulfill His promise and give them the land flowing with milk and honey. Even send an angel before them to destroy their enemies. And as Beth pointed out, He would even secure their position as His chosen people. But He would not go with them.  He said, "You are a stiff-necked people. If I were to go with you even for a moment, I might destroy you. Now take off your ornaments and I will decide what to do with you." vs.3

Wow! You can just feeeeel the tension! God was mad. He was frustrated. I was totally relating to this passage. I was thinking of my mommy-days of late. I think I have even said something like that, "What am I going to do with you?" Even Beth shared one of 'those' mothering moments - If you know what's good for you, make yourself scarce! talking through your teeth - kind of moments. It was, again, comforting to know that I'm not the only one who gets frustrated. God has even had those moments of exasperation with his kids.

Back to the Question:
Would you? Would you take whatever it is that would make your life complete? Would you take it, and leave God?

First I had to ask myself, what is it that I want? What keeps me from being satisfied? What creates a longing inside of me? What makes me grumble and complain? Am I stiff-necked? I really didn't have to think long. I knew immediately. I think we all know that one or two or ten things that constantly nag at us, making us nag our husbands or children or God.

Back to Exodus:
Moses went into the tent of meeting. This was a big deal. It was set outside the camp, away from the multitudes. Just knowing that Moses was in there talking to God made the people stand and worship. vs. 10 "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." vs. 11

So Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." We'd rather stay in the desert. We'd rather eat mana every day. We'd rather deal with the sand and the sun and lack of water. Please, just don't make us go without you!

Back to the question:
Can I honestly say that? Would I rather deal with the desert? Would I rather deal with 'starvation'? Would I rather deal with discomfort? Would I rather not have my dreams fulfilled? Can I be ok with that?

Back to Exodus:
Moses is still talking, "What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" The presence of God was what made them special, set apart. The fact that He spoke to them, that was their identity. Without that, who would they be? If God was not WITH them, there would be a major identity crisis. You can almost hear the pleading in his voice.

Back to the Question:
How do I want to be identified? Who do I want to be identified with? I mean really? My relationships? My mothering? Ministry? I think I have been allowing the idols of my heart to take precedence. I think the Israelites were in the same boat. And then God gave them the ultimatum. I think it would be safe to assume that He was serious. He had given people over before - over to their depraved hearts. He had departed from them, never to return.

Back to Exodus:
"And the Lord said to Moses, 'I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.'" vs. 17
Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory." vs.18

I had to look down at the commentary in my study Bible for this one. Did Moses really demand to see the glory of God? But further more, did God really change his mind? I think this interchange is really neat. It shows the kind of relationship that God and Moses had. It had come a long way since the first conversation they had had. As the commentary pointed out, Moses was terrified when God spoke to him the first time through the burning bush. He couldn't even raise his head at the relatively 'small' display of His glory. Now he had a boldness before the God of Israel and wanted to see His unbridled glory fully! And God had such a tender, intimate love for this flawed man Moses. He told him that yes, He would show him Himself, but not fully. This time he had asked too much, he could not see His face.

And the Lord said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence." vs.19
The next day on Mount Sinai:
And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin..." 34:6-7

Back to the Question:
Or rather, the answer. Christ is the only answer. He is the only way to true fulfillment, true satisfaction. We are unsatisfied when we aren't seeking hard after him. It takes an element of work, it takes focus.

I have needed serious reminding of that lately. I have had my 'coast' button on. I've been tired and wanting a break. But the only break we get is when we are resting in Him, in His compassion and grace, the fact that He is slow to anger, His abounding love and faithfulness, His forgiveness...

 Isa 55:1-3: ¹“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. ²Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. ³Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.

MAJOR Disappointment

Olivia: Mom, are chocolate trees real?

Mom: No, Olivia they aren't real... not like your thinking anyway.

Olivia: Aww, Man!!

Oh, the disappointments of life. They start so soon...

Friendship

"Our relatives are the family that we are born with, our friends are the family we choose."

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though they know you are slightly cracked."

"Through life we suffer. Through friends we never have to suffer alone."

It was my freshmen year in college. First night on the hall. I was pretty much freaking out. It was my first time away from home, at least that's what it felt like. I had just said good-bye to my sobbing parents and siblings. The night before that I had had to say good-bye to my boyfriend. This was a pretty big deal for us all. I was already terribly homesick.

I had just taken my first shower in a 'public' shower, flip flops and all. I was ready to crash after a long and emotionally exhausting day. But my social roommate had other plans. "Let's go meet our neighbors." So with my towel looking like a turban we went across the hall to say 'hi'.

Erin and Rebecca were the two who opened the door. They were pajama clad too. Rebecca noticed mine right away. "Are those Victoria's Secret?" she asked me. "Yeah!" I said. "I thought they looked familiar. I work at the one in the Mall..."

And so begun an almost 11 year (and going) friendship. Has it really been that long?????????!

We weren't close friends at first. We were both so different. Me, the pushy loud mouth and Rebecca, the full of grace 'southern bell' as we liked to call her. But we began to wear off on each other I think. She began to toughen up some and I'd like to think I softened a bit.

She was a bridesmaid in my wedding. For the bridesmaid's gifts I really wanted to give each one something different. Something that represented our friendship more than a necklace or earrings. So I thought long and hard about each one.

For Rebecca I decided to make something. It had to be colorful and mean something. I settled on an embossed stamp. I'm not going to be able to describe it to you. But it really turned out pretty, just take my word for it! Here was the inscription:

A Reassuring presence, a light

when times are dark, a hand reaching out

is what Friendship is all about

At first I thought it might be a little corny. I had a hard time deciding if I liked it. But God knew that one day I would look at that and be reminded of His provision.

It wasn't until about 5 years ago that things started to get tight - with us I mean. I was really going through a difficult time in my life. I was seeing a counselor and he encouraged me to talk to a friend about what was going on in my life. Self-righteously I told him, I have no one. There is no one in my life who I could share THESE things with. In his very 'counselor' way he told me that was ridiculous, surely

you have a friend with whom you could share THESE things with, so find one and find one fast.

I was mortified. How could I possibly tell someone THESE things about me. These were my dark and dirty. Who I truly was. No one would love me after they knew... I went back and forth in my head and the name that kept coming to mind was my Cola friend -  Rebby.

So I called her on my way home. I knew that if I waited any longer I would chicken out. I was almost home when I finally dialed her number. I said, I need to come up this weekend, I need to talk to you face to face. She said that was fine, so we decided on that Saturday.

We went to lunch, which I ate none of. Once I started talking I couldn't stop. I told her everything. And then I braced myself for it, whatever 'it' was. Either she as going to pass out, throw up, or ditch me. Thankfully she did none of those. She calmly responded in her very gracious manner. I know she said a lot that day that got my attention. But one thing sticks with me to this day.

"Mika'l," she said, "I will support you and be there for you no matter what you do. I am your friend. But what you are doing is wrong."

Just as simple as that. I love you, but you are wrong.

It was exactly what I needed to shock me back into reality.

There were many, many dark days after that for me. She was there for every single one of them. There are no words to express my gratitude and thankfulness to God for His provision during that time up through the present. She has been a huge encouragement to me in so many ways. I have also had the privilege of walking along on some of her hard roads as well. It's what we do.

This is for you, my friend. I love you with all my heart and don't know what I would do without you by my side. No matter where life takes us, I pray our journey through life always includes each other. I just don't know where I'd be without you. So thanks R.

-sweet stick