Dear Levi,
I'll never forget the excitement surrounding your birth.
I couldn't believe it was my birthday! You were going to be born on my birthday! I just never would have thought that possible!
I told all the nurses there that we would share the same birthday. They were excited too. I was so glad that Dr. Fontana was on call that night. Because he was the very same doctor who delivered me when I was being born! How special.
But you've already heard this story many times...
How you interrupted our super bowl party when I thought I was in labor a few weeks before...
How you interrupted my birthday dinner at Nana's with contractions when it was for real...
How Dr. Fontana was there...
How we didn't have a name for you yet...
How you were still attached to me when they went to take you away...
How God named you Levi...
But have you heard the part about me falling in love with you?
There is something that happens to a Mama when she has a baby that is both miraculous and obvious. Did you know that her heart grows, doubling in size from what it was? Did you know that I felt it do that? And then it starts to ache just a bit as it continues beating. Because it now beats for an extra person. One more than it did before.
You were placed on my chest, all white and wet and wailing. I remember the warmth of your little body as my hands enveloped you. And the warmth of my heart as it grew to yet another size. I breathed you in and kissed you. You were heavenly. As close to heaven as I will ever be on this earth. Holding my little one all wet for the first time. It's my favorite.
Your head was so dark and your face so Qualls. And I knew no Marcy was there this time either.
I had been so nervous about adding another one to our family. But after you were here I felt silly for feeling that way. You were just a joy. And you smiled so easily. And fit in so well. And we just loved you so much.
You are now a big six year old. That is so hard for me to believe. I remember you being born so vividly, so it's hard to believe that it was six years ago.
I love who you are and who you are becoming. You are my favorite 6 year old, that's for sure. You are learning to read this year and you put Lego's together so well. You are our little comedian and you love doing stand-up shows for us. And boy how I laugh until the tears come down! You sing along to the worship songs in the car and know every word. And you always ask me, "What's that song again mom?" And I know, because I know you and I say, "Bless the Lord Oh My Soul?" And you say, "Yeah, that one. That's my favorite." It's my favorite too.
You want to feel important and be heard and sometimes there are tears because you are feeling a little lost I think. I love you then too. And when you can't find your shoes or your socks even though you just had them on and we are now late. I love you then too. Or when you just want to stay in the car, but we have to go into the store and we wait and wait... I love you then too. And when there's dirt under your nails and your hair is sticking up and I notice this sitting on the front pew at church. I love you even then.
Because you are my little guy and my heart beats for you. There is no love like a mother's love...
Well, maybe there is.
God's love for us is even greater. We are all His favorites. All the time. Even in the middle of our biggest fits and we have to go in time out. He loves us even then too... especially then.
Never forget that. God loves you no matter what. And that's why I can too.
Happy Birthday, my sweet boy. This Mama's heart still aches just a bit when I kiss your blond fuzz head. And it always will...
