And We're Off... well at least getting closer

This summer has really been a roller coaster of action and emotion. So much has happened. At the start of the summer, other than a very strong desire to bring post-abortion ministry to Ukraine, nothing was set in place. But after Michelle returned from Ukraine in May it was as if a fire had been started underneath us both. Things started falling into place rapidly. It's hard to remember the order of events, but all of a sudden things were coming together, ideas were flowing and we kept saying to each other, "Wow, it seems like things are really happening!!"

We finally decided that the best time to go would be over the Ukrainian holidays. And this was confirmed over and over again by people from Ukraine - which was important. Then the question became, this December or next December?? It seemed like an impossibility that we would actually be able to organize everything in time to leave this December. God continued to amaze us time after time as we would finally get a hold of this person or we'd finally get that information we needed. And again we would say to each other, "Wow... this is really happening!!"

And yes it is really happening!! Saturday night we bit the bullet and bought the tickets. Ready or not! Here we come!!! (and you don't know just how literally I mean that)

Prayer Needs:

- pray for the Ukrainian team as they begin meeting and talking with pastors about the Bible Study and as the pastors pray for the women in their congregations

- pray for 6 women who God wants to call to healing, that He would begin to put the desire/need in their hearts, that they will be ready and waiting when we come in December, and that God will raise up leaders out of this first group of women

- pray for us as we prepare and study for the lessons, that we will get the Russian Bible Study books in time, that God will be with us as we make presentations and as we raise support

Expectations

I normally hate that word. Because it's usually coupled with words like: unmet or unrealistic. There is a sense of disappointment related to it.

Thankfully, I am not writing about either of those... Instead, my expectations have been met beyond what I could have ever expected to begin with! But first let me give some background.

January 2010 was a very scary month for me. I found out that the sweet little Christian school where I was teaching at and where my three children were attending would not have first grade the next school year. Olivia was in kindergarten and would have to go to first grade. I began to panic. Although both my husband and I were homeschooled, I did not feel a tremendous need or conviction to homeschool my own children. Yet at the same time, the idea of sending her to a public school was very scary to us. We felt we had no other option but to homeschool. But I did not want this. I was happy with the arrangement I had. I loved teaching three year old preschool. It brought me tremendous joy! I would be sad to leave. I also loved having my children in that enviroment. It was very special. So began a five month long internal struggle.

The end of the school year was quickly approaching. I was still undecided. I had never been that undecided before in my life. My emotions were like a pendulum swinging back and forth. I felt like I was going insane. Finally, one night Dustin approached me after dinner. He said that he had noticed how badly I was struggling. He apologized and said that he was sorry for not helping me like he should. He then told me that he felt like God wanted us to homeschool Olivia and that he would be there to support me. At that point, I did not care if he told me that we were moving to the other side of the world to become mushroom farmers! I was just so relieved to finally know what we were doing.

After that I was still scared but I was starting to get excited too. I attended a homeschool conference and got my curriculum. I was ready to get started! We started the day after Independence Day, early I know. But I needed to get an idea of what life was going to be like as a homeschooling mother because I was still planning on teaching music twice a week at the preschool where the boys would also be attending. I knew it was going to be a lot, but I felt I needed it. I needed the connection that came from working at the preschool. I needed the connection with the children. I needed to feel needed. The first couple of weeks were very difficult for all of us. This was so new and it took time to figure out how to work out the kinks. Thankfully I at least knew we would need time. And the more time that passed, the easier it became and the more... do I dare say it?? .... the more I enjoyed it! It became a pleasure and a joy. So much so that I met with the director at the preschool and told her that I would not be coming back as music teacher and that I would keep the boys at home with me as well.

The struggle that I had experienced those long months was I feel necessary, even the struggle after we started to homeschool. It's like a butterfly that is inside a cocoon. It takes time to develop and when it comes time for it to come out of the cocoon, it has to struggle in order for it's wings to strengthen, so that it can be ready to fly. If you were to peel away the cocoon to make it easier for the butterfly to free itself, you would kill it. Struggle is necessary and is part of the process of growing.

My first expectations of homeschooling was that it was going to be hard, grueling, depressing. I expected to hate it. But through all of that struggling, I feel God was slowly weaning me from the need to be at the preschool and replaced it with an all surpassing joy. The joy of being with my children.

I have already seen wonderful things come of it, I can't wait to see more.

Levi practicing staying in one place, focusing on one thing!

Livie Rose working on a phonics art project

Jac-Jac our turtle who is official overseer of the school room

learning to live with mess!

sweet sibling time

Deacon learning numbers playing go-fish with a willing big sister

honing in

It's been interesting... Since setting up a blog my thoughts have been whirling out of control. I have even been waking up in the middle of the night my thoughts turning over in my mind at 50mph. It has been difficult trying to decide on the next thing to write about. I have so many thoughts and honing in on one is proving almost impossible! Even now, I am going back and forth, back and forth...! Hopefully things will calm down eventually and I will become a much more settled blogger!

I have also been trying to decide if I should be an extremely focused blogger - blogging about very specific things and not deviating. Or if I should blog freely about whatever is going on in my mind/life at the moment. Hmmm... still not sure.

So now, I think I have finally decided on what this post should be about.

UKRAINE

Part of the reason I wanted to start blogging was because I and my s-i-l, Michelle, will be taking a trip to Vinnitsa, Ukraine at the end of this year. I am very excited. This is something I have been praying about since my last trip to Ukraine, but more specifically since God called me to post-abortion ministry two years ago. (For that story, click on the My Story page) At first is seemed impossible, I was totally overwhelmed by the idea. Nothing has ever been done like this in this area before. But I understood that the God I serve is all powerful, all sovereign and often times chooses to use the most unlikely of people to accomplish great things for His glory.

After a couple of months praying and not discussing it with anyone, Michelle approached me one night after Russian class. She told me that God had really given her an awareness of the need for a pregnancy center in Vinnitsa and that she had a feeling that I had been praying about that too. I immediately started crying. I was just so overwhelmed that God had not only placed this on my heart, but without even discussing it with her, He had placed it on Michelle's heart as well.

I went to the Care Net Conference a couple of months after that discussion. There was a lot going on during that time. There were so many obstacles that almost prevented me and the three other women from the BWC from going. But I knew God wanted me there and I was determined to get there. God spoke to me in a profound way while there and set me in a direction pointed straight for Ukraine. He put me in contact with the woman who wrote the actual Bible Study, Forgiven and Set Free. And also two of the three women who wrote the Facilitator's Manuel (I would later be introduced to the third woman via skype).
I was also able to go to many workshops specific to this ministry on foreign soil and talk with so many people who had first hand experience. It was truly an amazing experience. I left very overwhelmed yet very eager for the next step. But that next step didn't come for another year and a half. I was learning what it meant to wait on the Lord.

The beginning of this summer I felt a sudden urgency. The burden that was already present suddenly became very heavy, almost physical. So I began praying even more. Michelle took a brief trip to Ukraine with Yura and came back with wonderful information. She was able to talk with different people there who would be willing and able to help us. She left very encouraged. And since then things have been rolling. What seemed like an impossibility 5 months ago is now becoming a reality. There is still so much to do. But every time I start getting discouraged God drops something else in my lap that just wont let me give up. For instance, I just got off the phone with Misha who is in Ukraine. He just happened to call and just happened to tell me that he wanted to help us, "And really, don't be shy", he said, "ask me anything", he said. So, once again... I can't give up.

I am looking forward to sending out updates as we continue to make progress with our plans and preparation. We covet your prayers.

A Fresh Start

At a very young age I began to journal. I journaled faithfully. As a result, I have a very large box under my bed full of beautiful journals of all different shapes and sizes, colors and textures. Journals were one of those things that I had a weakness for. Any store I would walk into I had to check out the journals. Journaling was a way for me to process life, my thoughts, my feelings...

And then I had children. And life got hard. And I was tired all the time. And well, it just wasn't what it used to be. Nothing was what it used to be. So I took a bit of a hiatus.  It has been six years since I have really journaled. And I think it's time. Because there is still a lot going on inside my head and heart, a lot that needs processing and a lot that needs sharing. 

So I hope that through this, I can return to journaling in a way. It's not the same as taking pen to paper, but maybe it will allow me to quietly process my thoughts. Quietly being the key word!  And also share with those who might care to know what's going on in my life and heart. Wow! I think I'm getting excited!