May I Introduce

David "Judah" Qualls

Born May 23, 2012

at 6:26 in the morning.

He weighed 7lbs. 1oz

and was 21 inches long.

Our hearts are beyond full. And as his name Judah tells us to, we are praising the Name of the Lord!

He sure took his time on deciding to make an appearance. But once his mind was made up, he was done wasting time. He got down to business and so did his Mama.

I woke up around 3am to a couple of hard contractions. But didn't take them too seriously until a little after 4:00 when I decided to call the midwife. We made a plan to meet at the center at 6:00 since it takes an hour for us to get there. Shortly before 5:00, the time we had planned to leave, I suddenly felt an urgency to get there. We quickly threw the rest of our stuff in the van and peeled out of the drive way. I was thankful to have my mother-in-law riding in the back with me. Her presence and her arms and hands were an amazing support to me.

The hour in the car was quite intense to say the least. I was praying we would just get there.

Ten minutes or so before we arrived, I knew something was changing. Denise, calmly encouraging me, said we would be there soon. I was so relieved at the the thought of the car ride being over. But before I could rejoice for long, my contractions began to roll over into another with hardly a pause in between. I knew it had to be soon. Just how soon would be the surprise of my life. 

As soon as we made it into the center, the midwife told me I was 8cm dilated. We 'walked' down the hallway. I tried to stop and breathe through the contraction, but I think Jill knew there would be no time. She and Dustin taking each arm, hoisted me to the back, as my feet shuffled to keep up. In my trance-like state, I couldn't understand why I couldn't just stop.

I heard voices telling me to do this and that. Get up on the bed? Is that what they said? But I was only allowed to do what my body told me to do. "I want to get in the tub, " I told them. She said no. "There's no time."

I found myself up on the bed surprised by the sudden change that was taking place in my body. The concentration and focus took every ounce of my energy. And I had to push.

This being my first unmedicated delivery I was surprised by the intensity of it. I had no choice. There was no stopping it.

Jill, my amazing midwife, was not caught by surprise. She answered my surprised, "I have to push!" with a calm, "Do what your body tells you."

And I did...

With the aid of one midwife and his daddy and before you could say lickety split, Little Man was HERE!!

Fifteen minutes after arriving at the birth center, Baby Judah joined our anxiously awaiting family.

I have found it amazing each time we have had a child that you don't have to try and love them. It doesn't take any work at all. It just happens. It's so natural. Easy. I love that. Your heart swells to another size. Just. Like. That.

I knew I wanted to name him after my Daddy. David means Beloved of God and my Daddy is beloved of me, so it fits nicely.

But we will call him Judah. I wanted the name of this baby to represent where God has brought us and the amazing work he has done in our hearts. I hope Leah of Genesis doesn't mind us copying her. We tried other names with similar meanings. But Judah is what my heart settled on from the very beginning. It means to Praise the Lord.

We aren't just surviving through life, through marriage, through parenting. We aren't roommates or cellmates or mates for life because we have to. We are walking together hand in hand, because we want to. And we are praising. With our hearts, with our lives, within our marriage and young family.

Praising the name of the one who has brought healing and hope. Granted forgiveness and renewal. And now another one of us as testimony to all He has done.

David Judah,

What a special blessing you are to us already. Even the thought of who you would be 9 months ago was enough blessing to make this Mama weep in praise.

And you are here now. And oh how deep our love runs for you.

I am loving getting to know you. How precious you are.

I love you, my sweet son. My heart overflows.

Just When you Finally Have things Figured Out

*WARNING: This post contains pregnancy talk and may not be suitable for the man who has no idea what being 4cm dilated means or gags at the mention of the word fluid.

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You find yourself still pregnant two days past your due date!

My friend told me that I jinxed myself. And maybe I did. But the reality is, I really had never made it to a due date! Not just once, but thrice, my friends. So what was I supposed to expect especially with a fourth pregnancy??

This has been a roller coaster of a week for me to say the least.

I thought labor had started twice. With strong contractions, intensifying over a 3-5 hour period. Only to stop as suddenly has it started.

I thought my water had broken. Yeah, not a pleasant thought when I realized it wasn't amniotic fluid!

I was told by my midwife that I was dilated to 4cm and most likely would go by the weekend. (It is now Tuesday)

I have had at least 3 days of constant, strong and uncomfortable cramping and contractions.

I have watched my due date come and go.

I have struggled with intense discomfort due to being so dilated.

I have had to endure the million questions and suggestions and opinions from well meaning family and friends. (Sorry if I have not responded well or not at all)

I have experienced swelling in my feet, legs, toes, hands, fingers, lips, face, nose, etc...

But the hardest part about this past week, has been the battle within my mind. I'd like to blame it all on the crazy hormones that are threatening to make me crazy. And maybe that's part of it.

Maybe it's the desperation I feel to be "unpregnant" as Levi would say.

Maybe it's because I'm just weary.

I'd really like to blame it on all those things. But in the end I know that I have to be responsible for my thoughts and actions.

I have experienced true weakness this week. True 'humanity'. Shame for not trusting. Embarrassment for letting my thoughts and emotions get the better of me. I have struggled with fear and anxiety like never before.

I came across a post I wrote just before going to Ukraine December of 2010. It's titled A Calming Presence. I wasn't looking for it, it just seemed to appear out of no where. I know it was the Lord speaking to me, encouraging me.

I was in a similar place just before leaving for Ukraine. Struggling with fear and doubt. But through that God showed me that it's ok. Even in the midst of our weakness, He has a plan. He can still use us. And still prove to us that He is God, holding all things together.

Sunday was particularly bad. I woke up in a panic. The fear had over taken me the night before and I had completely succumb to it. I believed the words of the one who was attacking and oh how far I fell.

I knew my mind needed renewing. But the weight of my Bible was almost too heavy to bear.

I asked my Mother-in-Law for some Scripture references. She is such a huge encouragement to me. She doesn't shy away from giving you Truth, even when you want someone to just feel sorry for you. Within minutes I had a slue of Scriptures dealing with fear and worry. I spent a long time meditating on them. Praying and crying through them. Allowing the Lord's peace to wash over me. I felt invigorated. Able to see clearly once again. To recognize my blessings and to be thankful.

This releasing of control has been so hard for me. Coming to terms with the fact that I have to place my trust in a God who doesn't promise ease and comfort. That His goal for us is to be holy and not always happy. That He is always good but isn't always safe. Well, it's been a moment by moment battle. The failures have threatened to shake me to my core. And the victories have been slight in comparison.

But thankfully, this is the encouragement we have:

Let the beloved of the Lord rest in him, for he shields him all day long and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders - Deut. 33:12

Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? - Lam. 3:37-38

...call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you...

I will be found by you - Jer. 29:11-14

Humble yourself under God's might hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your ENEMY the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the FAITH... And the God of grace... will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. - 1Peter 5

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship... - Rom. 8:15

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us... - Rom. 8:26

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither present or future, nor any powers... will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God - Rom 8:38

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will GUARD your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

Phil. 4

I am so thankful for freedom in Christ. That I can share these things with you, speak them out loud and not have to be shameful. My weakness can be used for the glory of God. And it should. There is nothing within us, no strength or power or goodness. Not even faithfulness or loyalty. It doesn't make sense that God would pursue this one-sided relationship with us. But he does. 

And oh how thankful I am for that.

So, take this from someone who speaks from experience. If you are trying to figure out life, even the small moments within life, stop right now and let go of control. You'll save yourself a lot of agony.

Oh, and would you mind reminding me of these things in a day or two?

Thanks.

How to be a Mother

This is my Mom.

Isn't she just so cute?

Her and my Dad own an ice cream and sandwich shop downtown. Kooky Mooky's is what we call it. It's a really fun stop, if you were wondering. My kids especially love having unlimited ice cream whenever they want. Yes, we are spoiled.

But I didn't really want to write about Kooky's. Even though it is a worthy topic.

I really wanted to write about motherhood and where that all began for me.

Well, it began with this lady.

Mother's Day was this past Sunday. Yes, I realize I'm late in writing about this. But that's my life right now.

As I was concentrating through contractions (which turned out to be the trickster kind, still no baby yet!), I was reminded of the pain and difficulty motherhood often begins with. It is a life of ultimate sacrifice that you are thrown into. Without warning. Without the ability to turn back. It takes you hostage. And you are forced to either surrender to it or fight it for the rest of your life.

It is a hard thing. Maybe it comes easier to some, harder for others. But a process it must be for each and every one.

I have watched my Mom throughout her/my life. And I have learned so much. She has influenced me probably more than anyone else on this planet.

As my childhood memories swirl around in my head, there are certain (sometimes silly) things that stand out to me the most...

I remember her french braiding my hair and me whining because it hurt. "Beauty is pain," she said. I didn't quite understand what that meant at the time. But I was content with the answer. Anything worth having is worth suffering for.

I remember being in McDonald's and being up in line and everyone walking past me, ignoring me. I remember her telling me that I should never let people walk over me just because I was small. "Stand up for yourself!" she told me. "Find your voice and use it!" "Don't be afraid of people." So I wasn't.

I remember her taking me along when she spoke to youth groups about sex and it being worth waiting for. There was a red construction-papered heart that she tore up and passed around to the group. This was such a wonderful word picture of the damage we can do to ourselves when we give pieces of our hearts away. It impacted me greatly. To this day, I have never regretted Dustin being the only man I've ever kissed.

I remember her potato soup. (Hmm, think I'll make that for dinner tonight!)

I remember when she cut my bangs too short and I had to go to school the next day. She used it as a lesson on self-esteem. She told me not to act embarrassed, otherwise I would be. That I should hold my head high instead of walking with it bowed down. I did that, bangs sticking straight out and everything.

I remember singing 'opera'.


I remember how hard she worked when we moved out of our Lady's Island house. She never whined or complained, just worked along side my Dad to get it done.

I remember her getting up when it was still dark. She made my dad sandwiches. She drank her coffee. And she read God's Word. Every. Single. Morning.

I remember her talking through her teeth when she got mad. I think I do that.

I remember when she told us we would be home schooled. I was excited and mortified at the same time. Mortified because, "Well, what about my friends!!??!!"

I remember how hard homeschooling was in the beginning and that she didn't give up when it would have been so much easier.

I remember her reading Star of Light to us. And her tears dropping on the page.

I remember her telling me that I could be different. That I didn't have to be a rebellious teenager. That we could still have a relationship. That it only had to be as hard as we made it.

I remember going through a time when I wished I were in a different family. But she stayed faithful to me even when I wasn't.

I remember her packages that came while I was in college. She sent me bran muffins. And garlic pills one time. I had to stop taking them when my deodorant was no longer masking the smell. That's when I learned of my extreme sensitivity to garlic of any kind. I love it, but you know it when I've eaten it!

I remember our long talks over chips and salsa. Her encouragement. Her exhortation. Her honesty and bluntness that I came to admire so much. I wanted to be like that. To not be afraid or hide behind pretty smiles. To be real with people and with myself.

Yeah.

Mom, you've taught be so much. I don't even think I realize just how much. I love being your daughter, being apart of you. And now living in your 'front' yard. I still see you get up every morning to have your time with the Lord. You still challenge me and convict me and encourage me. Even when you make me mad. =)

Thanks for surrendering to motherhood all those years ago. For showing me how to. For walking with me when I wanted to throw the towel in. For encouraging me to keep going. And for teaching me how to be a woman who isn't afraid to be real and what it means to live a life pleasing to the Lord.

I love you.

Snug as a Bug in a Rug

Baby Boy is really enjoying himself I think.

He's enjoying listening to Mommy's tummy rumblings and heart beat and voice as she sings to him.

He loves being curled up in a tight ball and floating upside down.

He likes his hiney being lodged in Mommy's ribs.

And tickling her sides with his toes.

He LOVES it when Mommy gets up 5 times a night to, you know...

He thinks it's fun making Mommy waddle around. Especially when other people share their hilarious comments about such.

And I know he must of had a chuckle when Mommy got stuck in the van because she couldn't open the door wide enough to get out. She had to find a new parking spot.

He loves making Mommy's belly jump and roll even when it makes her squint and cringe.

He likes hearing his brothers and sister talk to him through a wall of warmth and protection.

And kicking against Daddy's hand.

He's loving the endless debate on what his name will be!

I know you are having a wonderful time inside Mommy, my sweet baby boy, but...

you are going to love it even more on the outside.

Baby Boy's nursery (can you believe this is in my closet!). Art donated by three loving siblings. The banner reads, " Lil' Piece of Heaven". Blankets and (hanging) booties made by friend's very loving hands.

I promise!