Missing You

Gosh I miss this!

I just can't believe how busy I am these days and that I can't sit here and type like I used to.

Having #4, homeschooling 3, directing music at my church, hosting this or that, cleaning and keeping up with my arch nemesis (laundry) has my head spinning. And my writing chair sadly empty.

Some people laugh at us bloggers I guess. But they don't understand. And maybe I don't understand either.

What is it about sharing your words, your thoughts, your life, your pictures with the world? As small as your world may be.

For me, I think it forces me to be honest. Honest with myself and honest with my world. God has given each of us a small piece of the world. And He's given/giving us a story too.

It's important to share that. Whether you blaawwgg or not!

I love typing my thoughts and ponderings out on this white screen. I love what happens to my soul when I push that 'publish' button. And I love when you share your thoughts about my thoughts. That's just plain fun.

I never imagined that I would still be 'at it' after two years ~ this all began when I was preparing to go to Ukraine. Or that I would come to love it so much. To depend on it for therapy. =) I just never imagined.

I never used to read other people's blogs either. Who cares? (I so foolishly thought!) But since I entered the world of blogging, my world has exploded! I've even made new friends. And I've learned so much about people and moms and their lives. And I really love that.

There is so much to say. So much to share. So much to learn from one another.

So during this season of Thanksgiving, I'm very thankful for you all in blog land. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to share in it. But man, I'm sure missing you all...

Toiling

If you look closely, you will see the nice dark line of dirt underneath my sweet baby's toe nail.

Really?

I completely understand how my 7 and 5 year old come in with black, caked nails. After all they were most likely digging in dirt searching for turtle food (worms).

But a sweet 5 month old who isn't even sitting or crawling yet? Now that stumps me!

It is a reminder of the world we live in. No matter how 'clean' we try to keep ourselves, there is always some sort of 'dirt' trying to sneak in. No matter how innocent we seem, there is some kind of film underneath.

Olivia tried an experiment recently. The 'perfect' experiment. She wanted to see how perfect she  could be for one whole day.

I think I burst her little bubble when I said, no matter how perfect you are, there will still be sin in your heart that will make your efforts imperfect. She tried anyway, and did very well at pretending I might add.

But there will always be that fine dark line of dirt, no matter how hard we try.

So thankful for the blood of Jesus that washes all things white as snow... Oh how we need Him.

A Tease

Hi Friends~

Our lives have been so busy these last several weeks. I wish that I had more time to spend blogging my thoughts and the events of our life... but instead we have just been living it!

The moments that I do have to spend writing I have been working on a series that I hope to share with you soon. A friend and I are collaborating together on a series on marriage. (I can't wait to introduce her to you!) Something that is very near and dear to our hearts. I am so excited about this! We feel it is so needed, because we all struggle in our marriages in one way or another and we need encouragement. We aren't claiming to have all the answers or to have perfect marriages. But God has taught us a lot over the years and we simple just want to share those truths with you.

We have a feeling that the enemy doesn't really want us to do this. When we first started talking about this both of our marriages were hit pretty hard. We were discouraged and feeling extremely inadequate. But we aren't going to be bullied around! We are determined to make this happen (in God's timing)!

Please pray for us as we prepare to share our hearts on a very deep level. It's a risk, we know. But one we know is worth taking.

In the meantime, feast your eyes on this precious little monster!

The Mom Look

Today is Saturday (if you weren't aware).

It's my 'free' day.

It sounds better than it actually is. Because although I don't have the weekday responsibilities looming over me, I have Saturday responsibilities looming instead. But don't get me wrong. I love Saturdays. This glorious day allows me to get caught up with the stuff that's fallen between the cracks during the week.

I should be catching up on dusting right now. But instead I'm catching up on blogging...

Last Monday was... well... a Monday.

It had been a day and half since my last shower. It had been two weeks since I had attempted the mountain of laundry. And it was the first day back to school (since Friday) and for some reason that always overwhelms me just a bit.

I had forgotten to eat breakfast as usual. I was feeling a bit on edge due to the 4 cups of coffee I had ingested so by 11:00 I was shaking-starving and quickly inhaled leftover rice and beans from the previous night. Good protein, right?

So when my husband called and told me that he was on 'this side of town, so how about we meet for lunch?' I of course said yes! (this never happens) But I looked down in horror at my appearance, plus I wasn't even hungry!

Oh well, I thought. I'll just throw on a hat. Besides, no one will notice and I can just sit and enjoy his company.

I didn't realize that my brother-in-law would be with him. Don't misunderstand, we love Brandon and it was a pleasant surprise. Until he said...

"Whoa... you got the Mom Look going on today!"

So, someone had noticed...

I laughed (really) and agreed with him. It was bad. So bad in fact that I took a picture.

I'm not sure why I enjoy humiliating myself...

I couldn't shake his comment for the rest of the day. Actually it's been a week. (but believe me, it's a good thing)

The Mom Look

I have laughed to myself repeatedly this week. It's true. I have the Mom Look these days. But I'm ok with that. More than that actually, I'm proud of it.

Lil' Mom in training

Because, guess what. I'm a MOM!! A mom of four little ones and they are my life, so why shouldn't I look the part?

If you are a mom and have never read, "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic, you've just got to stop what your doing now (but finish reading this first!) and order it on Amazon. I promise you'll love it!

I LOVE what she had to say on "Me Time" and what that should mean to us moms. Here is a little excerpt from that chapter.

 

 

 

Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another... the testimony of women who know the cost and joyfully pay it is profound. So make sure that you aren't buying into the world' propaganda. While there are a great many rewards, the sacrifice is very real. The reason so many women don't want to do it is because it is very hard and has very real costs. But the answer to these obstacles is not to run away in fear as the world does, but to meet it with joy, and in faith.

My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning, two weeks after Daphne was born. He wrote, "To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning."... In it, he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter (or any part of the Christian life) than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another.

So realize that your body is a testimony to the world of God's design. Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully. Carry the scars joyfully as you carry the fruit of them. Do not resent the damages that your children left on your body. Just like a guitar mellows and sounds better with age and scratches, so your body can more fully praise God having been used for His purposes. So don't resent it, enjoy it!

I have definitely needed to be reminded of this 3.5 months post-baby. Having children takes a toll on your body, your mind and soul.

You are no longer just a woman or a wife. You are now a short-order cook, potty trainer, teacher (whether you home school or not),
etiquette instructor, launderer, cleaning service provider, nose wiper, nurse, chauffeur, kisser-of-boo-boos, discipline-er, etc...

And as our pastor's wife just said last Friday at our Play and Pray, "I am so proud of you all! You have the hardest job in the world." Gosh we need to hear that. Because it is hard and sometimes we can get lost. Lost climbing the mountain of laundry.

Motherhood changes you. And we must embrace that. Otherwise we will come to resent our mothering.

But at the same time, we can't let "The Mom Look" define us and take away our femininity. It's important to remember who we are for our own sanity and it's important for our husbands and children too. (oh gosh, I really need to hear this today too!)



In that same chapter Rachel says this,

Your body is a tool - maintain it. Having sacrificed your body for your children is no excuse for schlepping around in sweatpants for the rest of their childhood (oops!). When you were eighteen, you might have been skinny without trying. In your thirties, after having had a pile of kids, the chances are good that you will need to try.

 



I remember my 25th birthday. I had just given birth to my third child (literally the day of). We celebrated with my family a week or so after. I was so touched when my sister-in-law, Mom and sister decided to give me a 'make-over' as a gift. I tried not to let the thought seep in that they were doing this because they thought I needed it! Instead I enjoyed the pampering.

I will be forever grateful for that sweet act of kindness! I had really let myself go. I hadn't even realized it until I was in the store trying on clothes and shoes... when was the last time I did this! Amy my s-i-l was wonderful at helping me find a new style that I was in desperate need of.

That was five year ago. And I have learned so much about dressing nice and looking pretty for my man. Which doesn't always mean make-up and matching accessories.

But I find myself a little stuck these days. And I need to find myself... again.

I am going to have the Mom Look every now and then. And I'm ok with that, because that's where I am in life right now. I am a busy, homeschooling mom of four.

My body (and appearance) is bearing the fruit of motherhood. And that is a blessing that I do not take for granted. What a small sacrifice it is.

But I'm also a wife.

And a woman.

And it's important not to forget that. That's why just the other day I went and bought some new perfume and some stud (baby-pulling proof) earrings... and resisted buying new comfy 'workout' clothes (quotes b/c I don't wear them to work out in!).

Yes, it's fun to indulge and pamper yourself just a bit. But don't forget the true renewal and reminding you of who you are will only come from God and His Word.

This is so hard for me. But it truly works! God's Word is alive and it speaks to our hearts, not matter where we are stuck in life.

If you have an extra minute, skip on over to my friend's blog where she writes about some practical how-to's on how to make time for this. She should know, she's got 10 kids! And is still homeschooling 8 of them! And she's a real person! You'll love her.

Ok, back to my Saturday catch-up day! I'm getting a late start, but that's ok. I love sharing my heart with you and it helps me better understand what's going on inside me too. Thanks for the therapy!

I Have Worms in my Fridge

And no, I don't mean maggots.

I have worms in my refrigerator because I have boys in my home.

I said I would never have hamsters in my house.

Or snakes...

Or frogs...

Or any other kind of reptile.

But I didn't have boys when I foolishly said all those things.



And now I even have worms in my fridge.

To feed all those reptiles, you know.




But I don't really mind anymore. Because I love my boys.

And I'm starting to love what they love.










But absolutely, positively NO tigers or lions!

You gotta draw the line somewhere.

Dear Deacon

Seven years old, huh?

 

I don't think anyone gave you permission to go and turn seven! Nope, not me.

 

 

 

Thinking back over this last year I realize that you are truly becoming a young man. You are no longer the little boy that used to snuggle so closely on my lap. And although I miss that sweet fuzzy-headed little boy, I love this young man that you are becoming.

 

 

 

 

You are still trying to find your place and you have a long way to go, but I see such promise in you, my son. You have a tender heart, you love deeply and you are determined.

 

 

 

 

Those are such good qualities to have. You can't be a good man without them. You can't be a good leader without first becoming a good servant.

 

 

 

 

One thing I want to challenge you with for this year and really for the rest of your years is what we read in our devotion just the other morning. Do you remember?

 

 

 

From 2 Samuel 10:12 -

 

    "Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight."

or as the KJV says "Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people..."


 

"Be Brave!" Joab told his men. They were going to war and I'm sure some were scared. He had to remind them that God made them men! And they needed to play the part. It's hard being a man. It's hard being a good man.

What does it mean to be brave? Will you have to go to war? Maybe you will some day. And yes, you would have to be brave. But even if you never go to war with guns and grenades, you will still be fighting a war. A war for family and a war for God. And you must fight!

 

 



 

 

There was another passage we read. It came from 2 Peter 3:7-8:

 

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."

 

I know you don't have a wife yet. You better not! But you do have a Mom and you do have a sister! God was kind to give us to you so that you can get some practice time in! One day you might find yourself married, and guess what? You will have to play the man.

 

 

 



It takes bravery to show respect and kindness, to be compassionate and to put others before yourself. But I challenge you, to Play the Man!

I love you, my son and I am so thankful God chose to place you in our family. He could have given you to anyone in the whole world! But he saw fit to give you to us. What a gift you are.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Bud. I hope you feel special today. Because you are. Very Special.

 

 



 

Love,

Your Momma

 

Snapshots

If you expected to see pictures, you will be disappointed.

No one was holding the camera at the moment needed to capture just the right angle...

of my pointed finger

my hands holding my forehead

the clench of my jaw

the tears that threatened to spill

my furrowed brow

the look of disappointment in my eyes

my head bowed over the bathroom sink, crying out but hearing nothing

the white knuckles that gripped the steering wheel

the look of fear in his eyes

her clenched jaw mimicking mine

the tears that spilled over his red-round cheeks


Funny how we only capture the sweet moments, the good and easy times. The times that make us look good and sweet and easy going.

But in reality, we are faced with frustrations moment by moment that threaten to undo us, and often does. Today I was undone. I failed as a mother. As a teacher. As a wife.

Thankfully there is tomorrow - fresh, with no mistakes in it!
There is a God, who's mercies will be new and fresh tomorrow too.
There are second (and third and fourth and fifth, etc..) chances found in Him.
There is His grace and forgiveness and redemption.

And there will be a cup of coffee ready to greet me, no conditions pending... good night!