Some Old Some New

I have been 'blogging' some thoughts so that I would have them when I found an internet connection. Now that I have, there is a book to read! Read as you can... it may take a couple of sittings!

Getting Closer

We have safely arrived in Washington D.C. We are waiting out our 5 hour layover in the Dulles airport.

Thankfully we were able to get a good night’s rest after they told us to go home because our flight was delayed, therefore we would not be able to get to Dulles in time, therefore we would miss our international flight. So we arrived this morning renewed and determined and ready to go. Yesterday we were bummed. One good thing that has come out of this though is that we will be flying business class on the long flight over as compensation for our missed flight. We are quite excited about that! It will almost make the wait worth it, almost.

Prayer:

Continued endurance

Health – as some of us are sneezing!

Spiritual warfare – that God would have the victory and that we would not take our eyes off the prize!

Families at home – for safety and security (specifically the Q. kids)

Continued safety as we will be flying into snow.

Again, thank you all for your prayers and support. You have no idea just how encouraging it is!

-M. M. & Y.-

He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness , and for His wonders to the sons of men! Psalm 107: 20-21

Almost There

Right now we are on the flight to Kiev. Once we arrive we will have been in the process of traveling 4 days total.

Surprisingly I am not utterly exhausted like I expected to be. Maybe it’s the 5 hour energy drinks!

It’s really amazing traveling to a foreign country. I love it. I hate the travel part. But once I arrive, I find it fascinating. Seeing and listening to all of the different people and languages is intriguing to me.  I love the different smell. When we arrived at the airport in Germany, I could have been blindfolded and would have known where we were. I knew as soon as I took my first sniff. I also love how they hand you a scolding plate of something and leave it up to you to figure out. And how they mop the floor without leaving a sign. Hmm.. I wonder what that says about me.. I love how everything tastes different. Not everything tastes good to me of course, but I like that it’s different. I’m thinking now of the omelet concoction they give you on this flight from Frankfurt to Kiev. Thanks to the misfortune of my brother I will never be able to eat it. In fact, I couldn’t even open it just now knowing what was inside. Hunter’s first trip to Ukraine he made the mistake of ingesting this suspicious smelling ‘Omelette’ and then spewed it all over the floor of the Kiev airport. Welcome to Ukraine!

I am ready to be in Vinnytsia. I am ready to see old friends, to meet new ones. To meet the Lord in new ways too. I am waiting in anticipation for what I will see and learn for myself and for what I will see others learn and experience as well.

I am overwhelmed by emotion. I am so thankful God has brought me to this place. I don’t fully understand every aspect of it yet. But I am thankful that I heard His voice. I am thankful that others did as well. I am thankful that He chooses to use fallen, selfish, sinful human beings to bring Him glory. I am even thankful for the many moments of fear and anxiety I have experienced, lest I become boastful in my own ‘ability’.  I feel stripped of everything, empty. I am stepping into unknown territory with my hands open wide that He may fill them.

But God chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to shame them that are wise; and God chose the weak things of the world, that he might put to shame the things that are strong. 1Corinthians 1:27

So then my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.  Phil. 2:12-13

Finally arrived!

I know that I can’t post this right now, but I wanted to record my thoughts while they are still semi fresh. Nothing is really fresh right now, everything is a bit hazy…

We have finally arrived after being en route 4 days. When we landed in Kiev I was so relieved. No more planes, no more scary landings. Little did I know that was the easy part. We had to drive home! The roads were covered in snow and ice. What should only be a 3 hour car ride turned into a 9 hour car ride. And a very scary one at that. Ukraine doesn’t regulate things like signs and reflectors, even lines or speed limits. Sometimes not even lanes for that matter! My eyes were closed most of the trip. Sleeping some yes, but mostly because I would have started screaming otherwise. I was very glad it was not me having to drive in that. Thankfully we arrived in one piece.

I am staying with dear friends Zhanna and Victor and their lovely children. When I say lovely, I mean lovely! I think Ukrainian people are just genetically inclined to be beautiful. But what is even more beautiful is their gracious hospitality and genuine love they extend to me and anyone who stays in their home for that matter.  I arrived at their home around 10pm. After many hours of traveling and not bathing and such I really just wanted to crash. But no, they had waited dinner for me, so we ate and we prayed and prayed again. Thankfully enjoying Ukrainian cuisine is not hard for me. It’s my favorite!

Now it’s time to sleep.

Mika’l

Day One

Today was wonderful. I can’t say it enough – I love being here! What I don’t love is not having my family with me. I feel out of sorts, not quite all here. I am carrying around a 25lb. backpack just so I can feel semi-normal.

I was able to spend some good time with my host family this morning. Thankfully their oldest son still living at home speaks pretty good English. Enough to where we can communicate fairly well. It was fun. We looked at pictures, played the piano, asked and answered questions the best we could and had a wonderful Ukrainian breakfast. Have I mentioned how much I love the food? Oh, I have? Well, I will probably do it again eventually! I was so frustrated at one point, because I wasn’t understanding a single word of their Russian. I can’t speak it worth you know what, but a lot of the time I can pick up a word here and there and kinda know what the conversation is about. But nothing was clicking. Later in the day I was trying out a little of what I could say and they asked if I could understand. I explained to them but said I couldn’t understand any of what they were saying. Arthur, their son, laughed and said, “That is because we are speaking Ukrainian, ah hahahaha!” Ok, funny joke. I was glad that it wasn’t ALL me!! Ukrainian and Russian are very close, yet very different. Similar to Spanish and Italian, for those of you who care to know.

After our nice morning I was picked up by Yura and Michelle. Picked up as in they showed me the way as we walked. Before I left, my mom asked me if we would be walking a lot. Surely not! I told her. There would be snow on the ground! It would be like 10 degrees! That’s why people have cars. I’m such a stupid American. About the only thing I said on the ride home last night from Kiev was, “why are people out in this cold walking? What is wrong with them?” Yura politely laughed at me and said, “Because they don’t have cars, Mika’l!” Well, we didn’t either, so we walked. Yes in the snow and yes in 10 degree weather. But I loved it, survived it and have done it several times today. Thank goodness I had enough sense to get me some good boots. Which by-the-way are the only ‘rubber’ boots being worn in Ukraine! I was informed of this fact today by a young Ukrainian woman.

Which leads me to the most exciting part of the day.

We met with a young woman who registered for the Bible Study. I had no idea what to expect going into this. I wish I could share with you all that we saw and experienced in that meeting.  But safety and confidentiality is what this Bible Study is based on besides of course God’s word.  I will say, that whatever we were expecting, Michelle, this young lady and I, was not at all what happened. Because God was the one directing our conversation.  It was amazing and quite beautiful. My heart has expanded yet once again. It is connected to yet another person. My feelings of anxiety about next week were quickly replaced with anticipation and excitement. Even if it’s just her, it’s going to be wonderful.

Yes, the other woman we had registered backed out and would not come meet with us. Satan is moving, remember. I picture him fightin’ mad! Please pray that as we try and call her again tomorrow that she will at least agree to meet with us. So that we can answer any questions and still any fears she might have. Also pray for the woman who is committed to coming. There is still some opposition she is facing and of course spiritual warfare that is a huge reality.

Also pray for Natasha, our translator. She is also a very good friend of mine and is having severe back problems. She hasn’t had these problems for a few years now and all of a sudden, this week, she can’t move. I feel responsible in a way. Again, I believe this is one of satan’s tactics to discourage this ministry from taking root. But we are just as determined!

We had a wonderful dinner with Yura’s family. I was very sweetly welcomed. Especially by his mother. She gave me several firm kisses and was told by her daughter to let me go so I could sit down at the table to eat! Yet another wonderful meal!!  I gotta say it every chance I get! She also grabbed my stomach and told me I was too skinny for having 3 children! I love that woman!!

I was also able to see another good friend, Misha, Natasha’s husband. It has been over four years, it was so good to see him and to talk face to face. I can’t wait to go to their house tomorrow and to see Natasha and their 5 children.

I skyped with the kids today as well, which was very needed. I think they are doing well and having a good time, although I know they miss me as I miss them. After about 30 seconds Deacon said, I don’t want to talk anymore, I want to play! Better that than tears. He eventually came back and told me he loved me. =)

All that to say, today has been wonderful. I look forward to tomorrow. It is New Year’s Eve which is their big holiday, like our Christmas. I can’t wait to try the food!!

-Mika’l

And We're OFF!!

The time has come for us to depart.

After months and months and hours and hours of training, preparing, praying, etc… it is now time for us to go to Ukraine to do what we have dreamed of doing for so long. Now that it is here, it doesn’t seem real. Is this really happening? It has been just an idea, only a conversation, a prayer for so long. But now the time has come for us to act.

The past few days have been really wonderful spending time with family, with my children and husband. Christmas was ‘low key’ and very enjoyable. I have felt focused, relaxed, trusting. But today was hard. Knowing that I was going to have to say good-bye to my three little ones at the end of the day was extremely difficult for me. I wanted to be strong, to not cry in front of them, to be excited so they would be excited. God went before us as He always does. They were happy and excited and I didn’t cry until after I left. The hard part is behind me. I am thankful. Now I feel like I can solely focus on the task at hand.

The main areas that we need prayer in:

#1 – Traveling Mercies – It is snowing everywhere!! Even places that it doesn’t usually snow. Pray that our flights don’t get canceled and that we make it to Ukraine by Tuesday. We have meetings scheduled Wednesday that we need to be there (and awake) for! Our flight from Columbia leaves at 2:30pm tomorrow. And our international flight leaves from Dulles around 5pm.

#2 – We have two women who have registered for the Bible Study. Three more are very interested. Pray God continues to move in their hearts and works out the everyday details that might prevent them from coming. Satan does NOT want them there!

#3 – We have a lot to prepare once we get there and will have very little time to do it. Pray we are efficient with time and money and that we accomplish all that we need to.

Those are the crucial things now that are coming to mind. Thank you again for your support, your encouragement and your prayers. God has used so many of you in this process. So thank you for joining us in the very special ministry.

Mika’l, Michelle, and Yura

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

But is it?

This has been a very different Christmas for me. December 25th hasn't really been my focus as it usually is. I haven't done my usual baking or gift buying. I haven't had my usual Christmas stress either. Oh I've had stress, but it hasn't been because of Christmas... And although it has been a little weird (I don't even have my tree up!) It's actually been a nice break from my usual Christmas chaos.

I have taken time to think more about why I do what I do and who I actually do things for. It really has been a nice change.

As I'm working through The Prophet by F.Rivers I am continually struck by things that are so relevant to the world I live it today. Even though the setting is Ancient Jerusalem. Here is an excerpt:

"Jerusalem was, indeed, a city of wealth and commerce. The people seemed to want for nothing. What they lacked had little to do with body and everything to do with the heart and soul. All their strength was spent on what they could hold in their hands."

I read this Saturday evening. After I had spent the day fighting traffic and mobs of people as I was shopping for things I need to take to Ukraine. The crazed frenzy was quite scary really. And sad I thought.

I don't believe this is how Christ wanted Christmas to be.

Focusing on the trivial things that mean nothing. Focusing all of our energy on something we can merely hold in our hands just to give to someone else so they can hold it in theirs.

I don't believe it is wrong to exchange gifts. But for us humans it's hard to keep something 'good' without tainting it with something 'bad.'

So once again I was convicted. Convicted because Almighty God chose to come to this earth as a baby over 2,000 years ago to be the Savior of the world and instead of truly celebrating that glorious event, we turn it into something chaotic and commercial as only we can.

I was a little sad a few weeks ago when I realized what I had done, scheduling this trip right after Christmas. I was sad because I thought I was going to miss out on the fun things that make Christmas Christmas. But it has actually been a relief. I'm glad I've missed out on those things. They aren't necessary to make Christmas Christmas. The only thing needed is Christ Himself. And I'm good with that.

T minus 10

My days have been so full this past week. I have felt a bit like Peter. When he had finally mustered up the faith to step out onto the water he looked at the waves... Even though Jesus was there with Him, close enough to reach out and save him, he still sunk. He let the circumstances overwhelm him and he sank.

My mom shared a really neat devotional with me the other day about that very passage by Oswald Chambers. I have let my mind mull over his words since. It is so appropriate. It speaks to where I am in life right now. I'd like to share it with you:



. . . Peter . . . walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid . . . —Matthew 14:29-30

"The wind really was boisterous and the waves really were high, but Peter didn’t see them at first. He didn’t consider them at all; he simply recognized his Lord, stepped out in recognition of Him, and “walked on the water.” Then he began to take those things around him into account, and instantly, down he went. Why couldn’t our Lord have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves, as well as on top of them? He could have, yet neither could be done without Peter’s continuing recognition of the Lord Jesus.
We step right out with recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go. If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes His rebuke, “. . . why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him.
If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, “Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?” Be reckless immediately— totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything— by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to Him. It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness— being willing to risk your all."

I have 10 days before we leave. Just 10 days to complete everything. And fit Christmas somewhere in there! But it's ok. God is in charge of the details. He will lead us and we will follow...

A Calming Presence

The past few days have been really hard for me. I have been struggling. Fighting fears and doubts. Not really feeling up to this big adventure I know I have been called to do. Not feeling adequate. Feeling anxious and nervous. Irritable, restless, not sleeping. And then I feel guilty for feeling all those things.

I am not what I imagined I would be. I didn't think these would be the feelings I would be having the days leading up to our departure. I thought I would be feeling strong, fearless, excited. But I don't. Quite the opposite. I feel weak, scared and dread.

I hesitated sharing these things. I don't want to appear weak and unsure. I don't want people to worry that I might fail. I want you to have faith in me.

And that is why I must share these things. Because otherwise you might have faith in me.

I have continued reading about the prophet Amos in F. Rivers' book. How timely this has been for me. Because I feel very much like a sheep right now, ready to dart at the slightest rustle in the bushes. I have desperately needed my Shepherd's reassurance.

After a wolf had come and threatened his flock, Amos stood in their midst and waited for them to calm. He sang psalms to them so that they would be comforted. One by one they layed back down. His presence calmed them. He went back to the narrow gate and layed down across the opening so that he made himself a barrier against anything else that might come and threaten his flock.

This past week I have been my biggest threat. I have been calling out to God, asking His forgiveness for the waywardness of my heart. I so easily lose faith. Asking Him to come and stand in my midst so that I might be calmed, that I might hear His voice so that I might once again find rest.

Being the Good Shepherd He has done that.

He has come to me in very 'ordinary' ways, whispering to my heart, whispering to my fears, hooking my neck with his staff and pulling my stubborn self along forcing me to trust Him. I am thankful, but still feel a little shaky.

I am thankful that He has made Himself a barrier against the things that come and threaten me even when that something is myself. I don't have to be strong. He stands in the gap for me and each of us. He even stretches out across it. He sees the threats before they come. He is prepared, even when we are not. He sings to us to calm our fears. He holds us close so that we can be reassured. He loves us even when we are wayward, even when we don't trust Him. That is what He does. He can't do anything else, for He IS love.

My friend shared this verse with me on the last post, it has really ministered to me.

Deuteronomy 33:12

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.

We are His beloved, that is what HE calls us. He will shield us. He will carry us. He is the one we can have faith in. I'm so relieved.

To Wander

If you've never read a Francine Rivers book, you are missing out.

I am challenged and convicted, encouraged and enlightened each time I read her books. She has such a way of presenting the grace of God in very difficult circumstances. She also forces you to go back to Scripture to see what it says for yourself. She never demands it, of course. Only gives you an insatiable appetite for it!

I started reading one of her novella's a couple of days ago. These are really cool little books. She takes 5 women and 5 men from the Bible and makes their stories come alive one book at a time. Sometimes it's hard to see a Biblical character as a real person. It's easy to put them up on a pedestal and think that their lives were perfect. Even their sin seems less... offensive.

Unfortunately by doing that we miss the very important nuggets that God has for us.

The one I'm reading now is about the Prophet Amos. I don't really know much about this prophet so I am excited to learn about him. What I've learned so far is that he started out as a shepherd. And as you can imagine, his story begins tending his flock...

He had a troublesome ewe that would not stay with the rest of the flock. She was prone to wander and would get herself into trouble. This time she had her twin lambs with her and she had led them straight into a pack of waiting wolves. Her life had to end. Not because the wolf got her. No, she died at the hand of her shepherd. She was not only endangering her life, but the lives of the others and this is why he had to take her life.

Unfortunately her one twin had learned her ways. She too began to wander from the flock. She would not listen to the voice of her shepherd. She insisted on her own way. Maybe she was curious, maybe she thought she knew best, maybe she blamed her mother for the way she was, or maybe she was just that dumb.

Regardless, her shepherd would leave the rest of the flock and go in search for her every time. But this time, he knew that he had to do something or else he would have to take her life as well. He grimly took out his sling and picked up a stone. As the stone flew threw the air tears came to his eyes knowing the pain he was about to inflict. But he had no choice. He loved this little lamb and she needed to learn the voice of her shepherd.

The stone had been the perfect size. It did what he needed it to do.  The break would heal. She would be forced to stay by his side. She would learn to listen to the sound of his voice. He bandaged the leg and lifted her to his shoulders.

This is what he said to her, "You will learn to trust me and not think you can find better forage on your own. I will lead you to green pastures and still waters. Sometimes I must wound in order to protect. You will get used to my voice and come when I call. You bear my mark, little one. You are mine. Let me take care of you..."

I was so struck by these words. How often have you heard these same words from THE Shepherd? How often have you wandered off only to have Him come and rescue you? How often has He had to wound you in order to protect you? How often has He carried you upon his shoulders while you healed? How often has he led you to those peaceful streams?

So often.

And still I think I know better. Still I would rather go where I want to go and do what I want to do and blame others for it in the meantime.

Sometimes I lead others astray. I think of my children and how they watch me and then imitate me and then get punished for it. My sin doesn't only effect me. It hurts others. You'd think I would learn my lesson, but I don't.

Thankfully my Shepherd is the Great Shepherd. He is long suffering and His lovingkindness endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting...Who remembered us in our low estate, for His lovingkindness is everlasting, and has rescued us from our adversaries, for His lovingkindness is everlasting...     psalm 136

So Much.. a little late

Thanksgiving was last week. In all honesty (is there even another option for me??) I really wasn't looking forward to the holiday. Growing up it was my favorite - even over Christmas. But since having my own family, three kids back to back to back and having both sides of our family all living here in the same town, well, to say the least this holiday got really hectic really fast.

It was hard going to both families houses on the same day, carting diaper bags and pack n' plays, whining toddlers who missed their naps, nursing babies in between fixing plates, while keeping an eye on the ones who were running around stealing food off of strangers plates. Not to mention fixing food for both dinners and then remembering to bring it! (One year, I actually forgot to make the food. The thought never even entered my mind!) It was stressful. Not enjoyable. Why was this called a holiday??

It has been difficult for us to find a balance. No one forces us to participate in both Thanksgiving dinners on the same day. No one threatened us. People have made suggestions like: Just pick one! or Thanksgiving one year, Christmas the next! But that is so hard to do.

For some reason, this Thanksgiving was different. I'd like to say it was because of my attitude. That I woke up with a smile on my face and a skip in my step! That's doubtful. Or that the stress magically disappeared like it seems to do in Martha Stewart's magazines. Or that I chose to see the blessings in the midst of chaos.

No, I think it was just easier this year. Easier because the kids are easier. They have become more independent, more pleasant, and they don't need naps! This year I was actually able to enjoy my dinner without 27 interruptions (literally). I think I even went back for seconds. And going to the second family's house for dinner was fun too. It was relaxed. There was good conversation. The kids had a blast.

It wasn't until a couple of mornings later that I realized what a good time I had. As I looked back on the day I was hit with how truly blessed I am. And I was thankful.

I stood back, still in my pajamas, and just watched my kids. I wish I could remember what they were doing now, but what I do remember is how blessed I felt. My heart was so full at that moment, I thought it would burst.

Thanksgiving Day had come and gone without me even realizing how truly thankful I am.

It's so easy to get caught up in the actual holiday and making it perfect. The pressure we put on ourselves as parents and the natural pressure that comes from having kids can choke us. I think I have been choking. Or at least allowing the joy to be choked out of me.

I wish I would have realized that sooner so maybe I could have done something about it instead of grumble and complain. But like this past Thanksgiving, I had my 'ah-hah' moment a little late. That's ok, I guess. I'm just thankful it happened at all.

Hopefully this Christmas I will be able to appreciate every moment as I experience each one. I'm sure there will be lots of stress, what is Christmas without a little stress? Speaking of, I love this quote from the book Welcome to the Funny Farm by: Karen Scalf Linamen.

Not that stress and guilt can't be festive. They can be. In fact, we probably wouldn't recognize Christmas without them. Indeed, if we had a completely stress-and-guilt-free Christmas, my guess is that somewhere mid-January we'd find ourselves asking: "Did we even celebrate Christmas last month? I remember a flawless dinner and beautifully wrapped presents and well-behaved relatives, but for some reason it just didn't FEEL like Christmas. Something was missing, but I can't seem to put my finger on it!"

Ok, so you can't have Christmas without a little stress thrown in there. But I really hope and pray that I will be able to see the joy as it comes instead of realizing it happened a couple of days late.