Dear Judah

Your first birthday has come and gone. More than two weeks have gone by... and I'm just now sitting to write your birthday letter.

I'm sure you would understand if I gave the excuse, "I've just been too busy or I've not had a moment to..."

Because that would be true. The past few weeks have been very busy.

But it wouldn't be entirely true. 

This excuse might not make sense to you. But my mommy-heart hasn't been quite ready to write your first birthday letter. And my mommy-heart can be a tricky thing.

This past year has been such a joy for me. I just didn't want it to end. I haven't wanted to admit, really admit, that your first year has come and gone. But it has. And I can say it now, if not a little quietly.

A couple of years before you were born I was somewhere. I can't remember where now, but it was away from home. I had Olivia, Deacon and Levi with me and maybe Daddy too. We were busy and there were lots of people buzzing about, so I counted.

I counted the heads. One... two... three...

I counted again. One... two... three...

Everyone was there, but for some reason, I couldn't shake that feeling that someone was missing. I looked around, waiting to see who it was that I was missing... but you weren't here yet.

That kept happening. Sometimes I would get a little panicky about it. And then I would feel a little silly. So I decided to pray and ask God why it was that I was feeling that way.

And then He showed me.

I'll never forget the first time I thought that I might be pregnant with you.

I was downtown and wanted a coffee. But as soon as I walked into the coffee shop, I didn't want coffee anymore. So I got tea. But it just didn't taste right, so I threw it out.

I paused for a moment. Hmmm... could it be? A few days later we would know for sure.

I remember laying in bed with my hand over my tummy and my tears streaming down into my ears. My heart was so full. Yes, that mommy-heart of mine. That one that can be so tricky. It was so happy and full of joy and I wondered who you would be.

I thought of your forming body and that verse that talks about God knitting you together. I pictured His hands at work, even then, in the hidden place of my womb. My heart rejoiced.

I didn't know then that you would be a boy, but I knew if you were what I would name you. I would name you Judah, for my heart was Praising the Lord.

I thought I was done having babies. That's what we had said. We had even given all of our baby things away! My heart was content with that. But I'm so glad God decided something different. For my heart has been full of praise since the moment I knew you were on your way.

As you grow, you will learn that God is always working and preparing us and those around us for... something. Sometimes it may seem like a small thing, an unimportant thing. But looking back you will see that it wasn't unimportant after all. That God had a plan for that something and used it in a very big way.

Adding children to a family is a special thing. It is also a very natural thing. And although every baby is a miracle of God's creation, it is also very normal and not unusual. I know I may be sounding a little wishy-washy. I blame it on my mommy-heart. It can sound that way sometimes.

But what I'm trying to say, is that God used the very natural occurrence of having a baby to do something big in the heart of this mommy.

We are all born for a purpose. God plans the time and place and family He places a baby in. It's never an accident. I want you to grow to believe that, David Judah. He numbers our days before we ever see one of them. And God has a book that He writes all these things down in. He knows us. He loves us. And He uses our lives to change the lives of others.

And God is already using you, sweet boy. To encourage this mommy-heart. To confirm God's blessings over my life. To whisper... I still hear the cries of your heart. Cause sometimes, this mommy-heart cries.

And just as I held you those long hours and days and months when all you did was cry...

God is holding me.

And when I didn't sleep at night, but nursed you instead, breathing you in...

I remembered how God never sleeps, and always tends to our needs.

And when my heart would expand to yet another size and the tears would stream down at your first smile....

My heart would be refreshed at the thought of God's favor over His children.

I have praised the Lord, my son. I have praised Him with my whole being for giving us you. I have praised Him for another chance to be a mommy.

I have praised Him for 10 more little fingers and toes...


















And for the way you just wanted to be held all the time and how you don't mind wearing your jammies to the park....

And for how you loved your first Christmas, even though you napped through the family picture and mommy forgot about you needing to be in it! And the way you are so good at eating your food all by yourself....

 

And for your chubbily scrumptious cheeks (sometimes I eat them!) And for the way you LOVE your lovey (it truly as magical powers) and suck your tongue when you are sleepy...



 





For your ears and your duck hair and the way you meow every time you see the kitties...

 



For your new teeth and the way you love to play in your Pack N' Play... (and how you love balloons!)

 For the way you love your Uncle B. and how you ROCK a faux hawk!

For how I don't have to see your smile to know you are smiling! And the way you are mommy's helper in the kitchen (and yes you are wearing a tie here =)).

 

I am praising Him that you are my fourth blessing (whether you like it or not).

And for the way you are trying so hard to stand even though you'd rather just sit on my lap and smile.

And for how much you love to play with your toys and your brothers and sister. And for how you knew exactly what to do with that cupcake (eat it) and that number one (throw it on the floor).

And for how simply beautiful you are. You take my breath away. I love you my son. Thank you for filling this mommy-heart to overflowing. Happy Birthday.



Dear Levi

Levi and I both recently shared our (6th and 31st) birthdays in February. Craziness ensued thereafter, which is my explanation for the delay in posting his letter.



Dear Levi,

I'll never forget the excitement surrounding your birth.

I couldn't believe it was my birthday! You were going to be born on my birthday! I just never would have thought that possible!

I told all the nurses there that we would share the same birthday. They were excited too. I was so glad that Dr. Fontana was on call that night. Because he was the very same doctor who delivered me when I was being born! How special.

But you've already heard this story many times...

How you interrupted our super bowl party when I thought I was in labor a few weeks before...

How you interrupted my birthday dinner at Nana's with contractions when it was for real...

How Dr. Fontana was there...

How we didn't have a name for you yet...

How you were still attached to me when they went to take you away...

How God named you Levi...

But have you heard the part about me falling in love with you?

There is something that happens to a Mama when she has a baby that is both miraculous and obvious. Did you know that her heart grows, doubling in size from what it was? Did you know that I felt it do that? And then it starts to ache just a bit as it continues beating. Because it now beats for an extra person. One more than it did before.

You were placed on my chest, all white and wet and wailing. I remember the warmth of your little body as my hands enveloped you. And the warmth of my heart as it grew to yet another size. I breathed you in and kissed you. You were heavenly. As close to heaven as I will ever be on this earth. Holding my little one all wet for the first time. It's my favorite.

Your head was so dark and your face so Qualls. And I knew no Marcy was there this time either.

I had been so nervous about adding another one to our family. But after you were here I felt silly for feeling that way. You were just a joy. And you smiled so easily. And fit in so well. And we just loved you so much.



You are now a big six year old. That is so hard for me to believe. I remember you being born so vividly, so it's hard to believe that it was six years ago.

I love who you are and who you are becoming. You are my favorite 6 year old, that's for sure. You are learning to read this year and you put Lego's together so well. You are our little comedian and you love doing stand-up shows for us. And boy how I laugh until the tears come down! You sing along to the worship songs in the car and know every word. And you always ask me, "What's that song again mom?" And I know, because I know you and I say, "Bless the Lord Oh My Soul?" And you say, "Yeah, that one. That's my favorite." It's my favorite too.

You want to feel important and be heard and sometimes there are tears because you are feeling a little lost I think. I love you then too. And when you can't find your shoes or your socks even though you just had them on and we are now late. I love you then too. Or when you just want to stay in the car, but we have to go into the store and we wait and wait... I love you then too. And when there's dirt under your nails and your hair is sticking up and I notice this sitting on the front pew at church. I love you even then.

Because you are my little guy and my heart beats for you. There is no love like a mother's love...

Well, maybe there is.

God's love for us is even greater. We are all His favorites. All the time. Even in the middle of our biggest fits and we have to go in time out. He loves us even then too... especially then.

Never forget that. God loves you no matter what. And that's why I can too.

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy. This Mama's heart still aches just a bit when I kiss your blond fuzz head. And it always will...

Dear Olivia

My sweet girl had a birthday last week. We celebrated her 9th year. It's surreal almost, how fast this life goes by. While in the middle of it, it sometimes feels like it's moving sooo slow! And then you look up from your day dream and stinkin' 9 years have blinked by!

 

I know you all experience it and I'm not alone in this. But every birthday is just seems to catch me off guard - again. Maybe one day it wont, but I'm not going to hold my breath!

 

Here's my birthday letter to my girl...

 

 

 

 

 

When I look at you now, I no longer see my baby. Although, you will always and forever be my baby girl…

 

I see a beautiful young girl, blooming into womanhood.

 

How can this be?

 

When you were asked if you felt older the day of your 9^th birthday and you said “Yes, I do” I believed you. You seem to look older even.

 

It’s almost as if you are starting to shed your ‘locust’ shell and are climbing into the unknowns of growing up.

 

I loved watching you become a big sister again this past year. You love to be a little mother. And Judah thinks you are his mother sometimes I think! You are so sweet to him and helpful to me. What a good big sister you are.

 

You are in 3^rd grade this year! You are writing in cursive and reading bigger books and learning your multiplication tables. And now that you are going to Holy Trinity, you are even learning Latin and Astronomy and Greek Mythology! I am so proud of you, sweetie. You have been so brave these past few weeks starting in your new class. You made friends your first day and are working so hard. You are like a bright star in the sky, shining brightly wherever you go. Don’t ever be afraid to shine your light, the light of Jesus.

 

I was so excited for you when you started going to your new school. Even though I knew you were a little scared. I just knew that you would love it so much and do so well. And you do and are. Sometimes things change and we change and because of that our plans change. But just because those kinds of things happen, it doesn’t mean that God changes. He always stays the same, no matter what. And He always knows what’s going to happen, even before we do, so nothing is ever a surprise to Him. That’s part of why we can trust Him. Because He always has things in control and always uses the things that happen in our lives for His purpose and for His glory.

 

He has such great plans for you, sweet girl. Because you are so special to Him. He had you be born on the exact day and in just the right family, and oh how glad I am for that.

 

So when you have moments of doubt. When you aren’t sure of your way or you wonder why things are going the way they are. Know that God knows exactly what is going on and what it all means and why, even. And He hasn’t forgotten you or why He placed you where He placed you.

 

We all have moments like that, especially growing up like you are. It’s tough sometimes and we don’t always understand what we are feeling. But that’s ok. It’s just part of it I guess.

 

Mom and Dad will always be here to help you through it. We don’t always do it perfectly, but you already know that. We still wonder what’s going on sometimes and what it all means! Even Mom and Dad. That’s why we all need Jesus and to be reminded of His love and grace and that He is always there leading and guiding us.

 

 

My favorite times is around the table doing our devotion. I’m glad we are still able to do that even though you are going to school. I love that you love the Bible and are learning it.

 

My other favorite time is at bed time when we snuggle and tickle and giggle and get too rowdy and Dad has to calm us down. I love running my fingers through your hair and kissing your forehead and cheeks. I love feeling the top of your head just beneath my chin. You are getting so tall. And soon you will be taller than me! But most people are, so just remember that!

 

Yes, you are a beautiful young lady. But always remember the most important side… the inside. Your heart. We all have to do heart checks because that’s where everything we say and think and do comes from… our hearts. It can be a beautiful place and an ugly place all at the same time.

 

So as you become more aware of your outside and wanting to look pretty, don’t forget about that inside that can start to look ugly sometimes to. Going to Jesus everyday will cleanse your heart and reading His words will renew your mind.

 

I am praying for you sweet girl. Every day. As you grow up and go to school and love your brothers and help mommy. It’s a big job, but you do it so well. And I’m so proud.

 

Happy Birthday, Livie Rose.

 

I love you.

 

Love, Your Mama

Dear Deacon

Seven years old, huh?

 

I don't think anyone gave you permission to go and turn seven! Nope, not me.

 

 

 

Thinking back over this last year I realize that you are truly becoming a young man. You are no longer the little boy that used to snuggle so closely on my lap. And although I miss that sweet fuzzy-headed little boy, I love this young man that you are becoming.

 

 

 

 

You are still trying to find your place and you have a long way to go, but I see such promise in you, my son. You have a tender heart, you love deeply and you are determined.

 

 

 

 

Those are such good qualities to have. You can't be a good man without them. You can't be a good leader without first becoming a good servant.

 

 

 

 

One thing I want to challenge you with for this year and really for the rest of your years is what we read in our devotion just the other morning. Do you remember?

 

 

 

From 2 Samuel 10:12 -

 

    "Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight."

or as the KJV says "Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people..."


 

"Be Brave!" Joab told his men. They were going to war and I'm sure some were scared. He had to remind them that God made them men! And they needed to play the part. It's hard being a man. It's hard being a good man.

What does it mean to be brave? Will you have to go to war? Maybe you will some day. And yes, you would have to be brave. But even if you never go to war with guns and grenades, you will still be fighting a war. A war for family and a war for God. And you must fight!

 

 



 

 

There was another passage we read. It came from 2 Peter 3:7-8:

 

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."

 

I know you don't have a wife yet. You better not! But you do have a Mom and you do have a sister! God was kind to give us to you so that you can get some practice time in! One day you might find yourself married, and guess what? You will have to play the man.

 

 

 



It takes bravery to show respect and kindness, to be compassionate and to put others before yourself. But I challenge you, to Play the Man!

I love you, my son and I am so thankful God chose to place you in our family. He could have given you to anyone in the whole world! But he saw fit to give you to us. What a gift you are.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Bud. I hope you feel special today. Because you are. Very Special.

 

 



 

Love,

Your Momma

 

May I Introduce

David "Judah" Qualls

Born May 23, 2012

at 6:26 in the morning.

He weighed 7lbs. 1oz

and was 21 inches long.

Our hearts are beyond full. And as his name Judah tells us to, we are praising the Name of the Lord!

He sure took his time on deciding to make an appearance. But once his mind was made up, he was done wasting time. He got down to business and so did his Mama.

I woke up around 3am to a couple of hard contractions. But didn't take them too seriously until a little after 4:00 when I decided to call the midwife. We made a plan to meet at the center at 6:00 since it takes an hour for us to get there. Shortly before 5:00, the time we had planned to leave, I suddenly felt an urgency to get there. We quickly threw the rest of our stuff in the van and peeled out of the drive way. I was thankful to have my mother-in-law riding in the back with me. Her presence and her arms and hands were an amazing support to me.

The hour in the car was quite intense to say the least. I was praying we would just get there.

Ten minutes or so before we arrived, I knew something was changing. Denise, calmly encouraging me, said we would be there soon. I was so relieved at the the thought of the car ride being over. But before I could rejoice for long, my contractions began to roll over into another with hardly a pause in between. I knew it had to be soon. Just how soon would be the surprise of my life. 

As soon as we made it into the center, the midwife told me I was 8cm dilated. We 'walked' down the hallway. I tried to stop and breathe through the contraction, but I think Jill knew there would be no time. She and Dustin taking each arm, hoisted me to the back, as my feet shuffled to keep up. In my trance-like state, I couldn't understand why I couldn't just stop.

I heard voices telling me to do this and that. Get up on the bed? Is that what they said? But I was only allowed to do what my body told me to do. "I want to get in the tub, " I told them. She said no. "There's no time."

I found myself up on the bed surprised by the sudden change that was taking place in my body. The concentration and focus took every ounce of my energy. And I had to push.

This being my first unmedicated delivery I was surprised by the intensity of it. I had no choice. There was no stopping it.

Jill, my amazing midwife, was not caught by surprise. She answered my surprised, "I have to push!" with a calm, "Do what your body tells you."

And I did...

With the aid of one midwife and his daddy and before you could say lickety split, Little Man was HERE!!

Fifteen minutes after arriving at the birth center, Baby Judah joined our anxiously awaiting family.

I have found it amazing each time we have had a child that you don't have to try and love them. It doesn't take any work at all. It just happens. It's so natural. Easy. I love that. Your heart swells to another size. Just. Like. That.

I knew I wanted to name him after my Daddy. David means Beloved of God and my Daddy is beloved of me, so it fits nicely.

But we will call him Judah. I wanted the name of this baby to represent where God has brought us and the amazing work he has done in our hearts. I hope Leah of Genesis doesn't mind us copying her. We tried other names with similar meanings. But Judah is what my heart settled on from the very beginning. It means to Praise the Lord.

We aren't just surviving through life, through marriage, through parenting. We aren't roommates or cellmates or mates for life because we have to. We are walking together hand in hand, because we want to. And we are praising. With our hearts, with our lives, within our marriage and young family.

Praising the name of the one who has brought healing and hope. Granted forgiveness and renewal. And now another one of us as testimony to all He has done.

David Judah,

What a special blessing you are to us already. Even the thought of who you would be 9 months ago was enough blessing to make this Mama weep in praise.

And you are here now. And oh how deep our love runs for you.

I am loving getting to know you. How precious you are.

I love you, my sweet son. My heart overflows.