The War

Today I feel war weary.

I have been waking up tired. Timid and slow to face the day.

There have been other times when I have felt war weary. Tired of fighting against... there is always something to fight against.

I guess these times of weariness are inevitable. For this is a weary world.

"Do not grow weary in doing good..."

I wonder how this is possible. Truly. On this side of things I mean. When there is always some frustration you keep bumping into. And you wish you could just ease by, but you can't. So you keep pushing and pushing.

My muscles are sore and my heart aches.

So today I've decided not to fight (as much). I'm not saying this is a good thing. In a way I'm just giving up. As a mother, you have to fight. Fight for discipline. Fight for naps. Fight for order and control.

But I'm tired of being the enforcer. The referee. The all around bad-guy.

Can I say these things?

Because we aren't really allowed to give up. To give in.

But I am today.

Don't worry. It's not for good. Just a little break from the war. What's that called R &R? Yeah, that's just what I need...

The Mom Look

Today is Saturday (if you weren't aware).

It's my 'free' day.

It sounds better than it actually is. Because although I don't have the weekday responsibilities looming over me, I have Saturday responsibilities looming instead. But don't get me wrong. I love Saturdays. This glorious day allows me to get caught up with the stuff that's fallen between the cracks during the week.

I should be catching up on dusting right now. But instead I'm catching up on blogging...

Last Monday was... well... a Monday.

It had been a day and half since my last shower. It had been two weeks since I had attempted the mountain of laundry. And it was the first day back to school (since Friday) and for some reason that always overwhelms me just a bit.

I had forgotten to eat breakfast as usual. I was feeling a bit on edge due to the 4 cups of coffee I had ingested so by 11:00 I was shaking-starving and quickly inhaled leftover rice and beans from the previous night. Good protein, right?

So when my husband called and told me that he was on 'this side of town, so how about we meet for lunch?' I of course said yes! (this never happens) But I looked down in horror at my appearance, plus I wasn't even hungry!

Oh well, I thought. I'll just throw on a hat. Besides, no one will notice and I can just sit and enjoy his company.

I didn't realize that my brother-in-law would be with him. Don't misunderstand, we love Brandon and it was a pleasant surprise. Until he said...

"Whoa... you got the Mom Look going on today!"

So, someone had noticed...

I laughed (really) and agreed with him. It was bad. So bad in fact that I took a picture.

I'm not sure why I enjoy humiliating myself...

I couldn't shake his comment for the rest of the day. Actually it's been a week. (but believe me, it's a good thing)

The Mom Look

I have laughed to myself repeatedly this week. It's true. I have the Mom Look these days. But I'm ok with that. More than that actually, I'm proud of it.

Lil' Mom in training

Because, guess what. I'm a MOM!! A mom of four little ones and they are my life, so why shouldn't I look the part?

If you are a mom and have never read, "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic, you've just got to stop what your doing now (but finish reading this first!) and order it on Amazon. I promise you'll love it!

I LOVE what she had to say on "Me Time" and what that should mean to us moms. Here is a little excerpt from that chapter.

 

 

 

Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another... the testimony of women who know the cost and joyfully pay it is profound. So make sure that you aren't buying into the world' propaganda. While there are a great many rewards, the sacrifice is very real. The reason so many women don't want to do it is because it is very hard and has very real costs. But the answer to these obstacles is not to run away in fear as the world does, but to meet it with joy, and in faith.

My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning, two weeks after Daphne was born. He wrote, "To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning."... In it, he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter (or any part of the Christian life) than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another.

So realize that your body is a testimony to the world of God's design. Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully. Carry the scars joyfully as you carry the fruit of them. Do not resent the damages that your children left on your body. Just like a guitar mellows and sounds better with age and scratches, so your body can more fully praise God having been used for His purposes. So don't resent it, enjoy it!

I have definitely needed to be reminded of this 3.5 months post-baby. Having children takes a toll on your body, your mind and soul.

You are no longer just a woman or a wife. You are now a short-order cook, potty trainer, teacher (whether you home school or not),
etiquette instructor, launderer, cleaning service provider, nose wiper, nurse, chauffeur, kisser-of-boo-boos, discipline-er, etc...

And as our pastor's wife just said last Friday at our Play and Pray, "I am so proud of you all! You have the hardest job in the world." Gosh we need to hear that. Because it is hard and sometimes we can get lost. Lost climbing the mountain of laundry.

Motherhood changes you. And we must embrace that. Otherwise we will come to resent our mothering.

But at the same time, we can't let "The Mom Look" define us and take away our femininity. It's important to remember who we are for our own sanity and it's important for our husbands and children too. (oh gosh, I really need to hear this today too!)



In that same chapter Rachel says this,

Your body is a tool - maintain it. Having sacrificed your body for your children is no excuse for schlepping around in sweatpants for the rest of their childhood (oops!). When you were eighteen, you might have been skinny without trying. In your thirties, after having had a pile of kids, the chances are good that you will need to try.

 



I remember my 25th birthday. I had just given birth to my third child (literally the day of). We celebrated with my family a week or so after. I was so touched when my sister-in-law, Mom and sister decided to give me a 'make-over' as a gift. I tried not to let the thought seep in that they were doing this because they thought I needed it! Instead I enjoyed the pampering.

I will be forever grateful for that sweet act of kindness! I had really let myself go. I hadn't even realized it until I was in the store trying on clothes and shoes... when was the last time I did this! Amy my s-i-l was wonderful at helping me find a new style that I was in desperate need of.

That was five year ago. And I have learned so much about dressing nice and looking pretty for my man. Which doesn't always mean make-up and matching accessories.

But I find myself a little stuck these days. And I need to find myself... again.

I am going to have the Mom Look every now and then. And I'm ok with that, because that's where I am in life right now. I am a busy, homeschooling mom of four.

My body (and appearance) is bearing the fruit of motherhood. And that is a blessing that I do not take for granted. What a small sacrifice it is.

But I'm also a wife.

And a woman.

And it's important not to forget that. That's why just the other day I went and bought some new perfume and some stud (baby-pulling proof) earrings... and resisted buying new comfy 'workout' clothes (quotes b/c I don't wear them to work out in!).

Yes, it's fun to indulge and pamper yourself just a bit. But don't forget the true renewal and reminding you of who you are will only come from God and His Word.

This is so hard for me. But it truly works! God's Word is alive and it speaks to our hearts, not matter where we are stuck in life.

If you have an extra minute, skip on over to my friend's blog where she writes about some practical how-to's on how to make time for this. She should know, she's got 10 kids! And is still homeschooling 8 of them! And she's a real person! You'll love her.

Ok, back to my Saturday catch-up day! I'm getting a late start, but that's ok. I love sharing my heart with you and it helps me better understand what's going on inside me too. Thanks for the therapy!

Weekend Getaway

 

Last summer Dustin and I began dreaming of how we would celebrate our 10th anniversary. We hadn't done anything too exciting together in a long while, so we eagerly anticipated this excuse to do something big!

 

Little did we know just how big things would turn out!

 

David Judah was born just seven days before our 10 year mile marker! Not so great timing for a cruise or a trip to the Bahamas! But we still enjoyed a nice dinner to a local favorite on the day with baby Judah as a tag along. We didn't mind. Can you believe we didn't take a single picture? I think we were both in a sleep deprived state.

 

Well, to 'make up for it' we decided to go away for the weekend just a few weeks ago. It had been ages since we had done that and we needed it.

 

We had the hardest time decided what we wanted to do. We are pretty boring people, not too adventurous. But we finally figured out one thing we like to do together besides eat. And that is hunt for antiques! And we did just that.

 

We went to a tiny little town upstate SC and stayed at a B&B where they are famous for their breakfast AND antique shops. A perfect fit! Here are some snap shots of our weekend getaway...

 

 

 

The Main house of the B&B. This is where we had our breakfast. It was just a few minutes stroll from our little cottage. 

Our first night there we enjoyed looking around our quaint little cottage and a wonderful meal at a German restaurant, Oskars. They seriously had the best grits EVER!  We even attempted some frog legs, something neither of us had ever tried before. They were a weird combination of fish and fried chicken, quite yummy!

The next morning we got up bright and early (thanks Judah) and headed down for our much anticipated breakfast. Not only was it scrumptious (my mouth is watering) it was beautiful, which I loved and so appreciated. It's always been a dream of mine to have a B&B, so as to have an excuse to use fine china for breakfast every morning! I was jotting down notes the whole trip!





After our amazing breakfast, we began our hunt for treasurer's. We had a whole list of places throughout several different surrounding towns but ended up only making it to three places all within walking distance of where we stayed. It was so much fun. These are a few of our finds!

Our second morning, we enjoyed a nice stroll through their well manicured paths and another wonderful breakfast. Judah wasn't so thrilled about it (although you can't tell from the above picture!) so Daddy took him out on the front porch so that he wouldn't disturb the other guests and so that Mommy could finish her breakfast (and his!). I love that picture of them through the foggy glass from where I was sitting. He's such a good daddy.

 

 

It was a great time away, but not nearly long enough! We hope to do it again soon. And can you believe we still didn't get our picture together! Oh well. Maybe next year!

Happy Anny to Us!

I know you must all be waiting with bated breath for another 6 part Anniversary post. I am so sorry to disappoint. Yes, it is our 10th Anniversary today and probably warrants such. But alas, that ship has sailed and another has sailed in (we call him Judah) so this will have to suffice.

The other day I was napping on the couch. The older three were at Nana's and baby was snug by my side. I turned on a Netflix movie for some background noise, something I could sleep through. The cursor landed on Emma, a Jane Austin movie. Good enough.

I dozed in and out for most of the movie. At one point my ears picked up the monologue Emma was having with herself.

Emma, making it her personal mission to play match maker has found herself in a possible match with Mr. Churchill. This was what she wrote in her diary that night... 

"Well, he loves me! He was on the verge of telling me when his father burst in.

I felt listless after he left and had some sort of a headache, so I must be in love as well. I must confess, I expected love to feel somewhat different than this. I may determine how deep a love I feel through his absence."

As I laid there with my eyes closed, feeling the warmth of the little body next to me, I smiled. Laughed really. "Listless and a bit of a headache...??" Is that all love is?

No, of course not. I mean, he does give me a headache every now and then. And I'm sure I make him feel listless after a week of playing 'housewife'. But I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of listlessness or headache our dear Emma was referring to.

Thankfully, for those of you wondering, Emma does come to her senses, as much as a character from a Jane Austin movie can. She sees the irredeemable faults in Mr. Churchill (not to mention he was engaged to another anyway) and suddenly awakens to the love she has for the one and only Mr. Knightly. *Sigh*

HOW ROMANTIC!!

(gag)

So what does love look like 10 years later?

Love is ~

Watching your man rock a baby in the middle of the night.

Stretching across fuzzy heads to steal a kiss.

Your heart leaping just a bit when you hear the front door open after a long day.

Waking up to five loads of laundry folded neatly on the table.

That feeling of security.

Him calling to let you know he got a babysitter for tonight.

My head against his chest.

Catching him staring at me.

Long car rides of comfortable quiet.

Working it out.

Forgiving and being forgiven.

Holding his hand and still loving it.

Understanding without words.

Deep compassion for the other, even when you're hurt.

Crying at the thought of losing him.

Praying so hard.

Watching him hug the other little lady in his life.

Seeing the trash can out by the road.

Watching him play catch with my little men, their eyes glowing.

Text messaged pictures of him and the kids having fun on dates.

Him saying no to meetings to be at baseball games.

Conversations about nothing that mean everything.

The quiet "I love you's".

Smelling him while making the bed every morning.

Picking up clothes dropped on the floor.

Seeing him in each of my four children.

Looking forward to more of him...

If you ask me, that beats any silly Jane Austin movie!

Happy Anny, Baby! Can't wait for the rest of our lives...

Happy Birthday to my Man

We have celebrated many birthdays together over the almost 10 years of marriage

and the 5 years of dating before.

Never have I known what to get you. You'd think by this time I'd be better at it... 

So sorry that I'm not.

But even though I've never been good at gift giving, I hope you know how

much I love you and how thankful for you that I am.

God has brought us so far and has done such a beautiful work in our marriage.

I am thankful for your hard work and faithfulness to us. Thanks for not quitting.
I am so thankful for the way you provide for us, the stress you endure, all you have accomplished. You make me so proud. So very proud.

I love your sense of humor and the fact that I get you, when not many

others do. You make me laugh every single day.
I love that I learn more about you each day.

I love to hear your thoughts, to know what you are thinking.
You teach me so much.
I love your courage. You aren't afraid to do what needs to be done. Or say what needs to be said to stand up for grace and righteousness. You challenge me.

I LOVE that we are having another of us. I can't wait to see what he looks like.

I love that our boys look like you, walk like you, talk like you and love what you love.

Thanks for loving our kids. For changing diapers, for putting them to bed, for getting up the million times it take to make sure they are still in bed! For disciplining and talking with them.
For praying for them.

Thanks for making chocolate chip cookie bars and coffee every morning
and dinner sometimes when I can't. For doing our grocery shopping.

Thanks for hanging pictures and doing the things that matter to me, even if they don't matter to you. For telling me I'm beautiful when I feel like a beached whale.

Thanks babe, for loving me.

And for making me feel loved. You are the gift.
I love you.

Happy Birthday

Seasons

 Life is a funny thing isn't it.

The the rains come, the sun blazes, the leaf turns, the wind blows closing us in.

Seasons. Faithful seasons, always coming. Always going. We look to them to tell us what to wear, what to do and where to go. They predictably determine our path of unpredictability. Life.

As I was unloading the dishwasher earlier I was thinking about the seasons of life. How things change and how some things never change.

I placed cups onto the counter. Pots into cabinet.

It had been several weeks since I had actually unloaded the dishwasher. That's not my job anymore. Hmm, a new season. A season of delegating and reaping the benefits of having growing children.

I placed kid cups and kid bowls in the lower cabinet and saw a lonely sippy cup top lying at the bottom of a basket. Where was it's match? It didn't really matter anyway. The season for sippy cups has faded away as spring seems to, all too quickly.

I thought of the seasons that have already come in my life. The teenage season was by far the longest for me. Constant change. Bodily. Emotionally. Friendships. School. Not wanting to grow up. Not growing up fast enough.

Then college. A short season. Just one year. And I couldn't wait for the next season of my life. I was in love and I wanted to be married. And that whole time of waiting was miserable for me. I was impatient. But learned so much being apart from family and all the other parts of  my life I so easily depended on. I learned so much about my faith, about Who God was to me and who I was to Him. The people that I met, some are still my closest friends to this day. It was a good season, challenging, but sooo good.

Then the being married season. Learning to live with another person, giving some taking some, compromise. Learning to cook and fold towels the right way. Learning I needed God more than I ever previously imagined.

And then the baby season. A lot of it passed by in a hazy blur. After the 3rd came, only 37 months after the first, I went into survival mode. And it was hard not to want things to go by a little faster and get a little easier and less physically demanding. Oh I was tired. And it seemed like that season of diapers and nightly feedings and temper tantrums and spankings and pacies and sippy cups would never end... but how quickly it went by and I wish I remembered more.

I see now how quickly. And I wonder how it went by so fast.

There have been ministry seasons, pouring out into the lives of others, scared to death and trusting so hard. It seems like those are the seasons that come and go the most frequent, constantly changing with my constantly changing life. But it's ok, because I know that no matter where I am in life, eventually it will change, so I might as well enjoy where I am today.

And as I placed all of the silverware in it's drawer I thought of the season I am in now... 

This is a season of teaching and instructing, play dates and prayer groups, tickle fests and bigger laughter, delegating and chores, praying fiercely for the souls of my children... wondering if I'm doing enough.

So many seasons. So much change in such a short period of time. Some of them felt as though they would never end and life would never again be 'normal'. But they did end and I even miss them, well at least parts of them.

Sometimes it's hard saying good-bye, sometimes it's hard saying hello. Thankfully our God is an immutable God, never changing, always the same yesterday, today and forever. Praise be to God.

An Anniversary Post (6)

In lieu of our 9^th anniversary: A celebratory post, to remember, to give thanks for, to reflect and of course post pictures!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011 we celebrated our 9th year of marriage. It is still hard for me to say the words. Nine years! It is hard to believe...

We enjoyed a wonderful evening together in Old Savannah. It was fun trying a new, tucked-away place (17 Hundred 90). It is one of the oldest Inns and Restaurants in all of Savannah and supposedly the most haunted. It was fun reading about the history of the restaurant on the back of the menu and being 'introduced' to the ghosts we might encounter...! Thankfully we didn't. But there was a wonderful pianist we enjoyed listening to. And the food was amazing. The company was quite scrumptious too! It was great being able to have a conversation without being interrupted 27 times...

After they rolled us out of the restaurant, we strolled around River Street, taking in the sights and enjoying just being with each other.

We started walking back to the car to head home. I glanced down at my watch. It was only 8:30pm! Yes, a lot has changed in 9 years... we have forgotten how to stay 'out late'... it was getting close to our bedtime!

Thanks for allowing me to reminisce this past week. It has been so good thinking back over these last 9 years, remembering the good times and the things that made me first love my husband, reflecting on what God has done and where He has taken us. Through it God has brought continual healing to our marriage, more evidence of our Redeemer. I am thankful.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God."

                                                      Philippians 1:9-10

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."   Philippians 1:6

This is the promise I hold fast to.

An Anniversary Post (5)

In lieu of our 9^th anniversary: A celebratory post, to remember, to give thanks for, to reflect and of course post pictures!

Journal entry the morning of June 1, 2002:

"The day I have waited for for so long... I will be Mrs. Dustin Lee Qualls at the end of this day! Father, thank you for your provision and protection, for giving us patience, for meeting our needs. I ask you to be with us today in a special way. Calm our nerves and help our focus to be each other and the meaning of today. Thank you for your word, for conviction from you. Help us to become true imitators of you in every aspect of our lives beginning anew each day. I am so overwhelmed with joy and so very thankful."

Some of my favorite shots from that day. Look closely, some of you who were there may see yourselves in some of them!

At my parent's house with my girls,  preparing ourselves for the wedding.

Erin helping Ashley, on the deck, Cally my lil' sis.

With Daddy, trying not to cry. With Mom, you can see the nerves! The veil and the 'window picture'!

 

At Dustin's parents house, Denise helping Taylor, Gary assisting Dustin.

 

Tim and Rebecca (I would be in their wedding the following summer). Brandon and Jordie, Dustin and Jordan, Dustin with his parents Scott and Denise.

Daddy giving me away. He cried for a whole week after the wedding...

Lighting the unity candle, the kiss, our vows.

Mr. and Mrs. Dustin L. Qualls, the bridal party, the flower girls

Gary got us this awesome car to use for the day. It was a surprise!

 

Dustin's parents hosted the reception in their back yard. It was beautiful! The pics don't do it justice. Yes, we smashed the cake in each other's face - my favorite part of the day! A friend made our beautiful wedding cake. The bouquet toss, the toasts.

 

Our first dance (literally)

The sunset was beautiful!

 

The birdseed toss. We were picking birdseed out of everything for months afterwards! On the way to the honeymoon!

And here we are, 9 years later... can't wait to see what happens next!

An Anniversary Post (4)

In lieu of our 9^th anniversary: A celebratory post, to remember, to give thanks for, to reflect and of course post pictures!

Today marks the 9th year anniversary of stress like no other: The day BEFORE the wedding! Running last minute errands, packing for the honeymoon, picking up wedding dress, attending the bridal brunch, remembering to breathe, making sure the right people had the right rings, wrapping gifts, getting nails done, greeting family and guests, remembering to eat, trying to make the rehearsal on time, not making the rehearsal on time, wishing it wasn't so hot, spending last precious moments with family, being nervous, finding something borrowed something blue, focusing on the fact that I will be married at the end of the next day no matter what may go wrong...

Here are some snap shots from that hectic day!

At the Bridal Brunch: My bridesmaids - Rebecca, Ashley, Michelle, Shanda, Tricia, Cally (sister) and Erin 

Rehearsal

My Aunt Kim "Sissy" helping the flower girls Danielle, Taylor and Addy

Dustin's Grandparents hosted a beautiful rehearsal dinner at their home - the spread!

With Dustin's Memaw

In the gazebo, Papa giving me last minute advice, my bum arm I had surgery on two weeks after we were married.

My mother and I

Me and my almost-husband!

On the patio over looking the Whale Branch River, Dustin and my brother Hunter thought something was funny... apparently nobody else did!

It was time to pass out the gifts. Us with the best man and dear friend Gary.

This is how much Dustin loves Gary

Me and my Maid of Honor Erin

Ashley, Dustin's sister, had a very special gift for us, her painting of us the night we got engaged.

It is still very special

The flower girl gifts

The Bachelor Pary. Gary had a foot washing ceremony for Dustin... not sure what happened after that!

This is what I wrote in my journal that day:

"The day before tomorrow. THE tomorrow. The tomorrow I marry Dustin. I am surprised at how nervous I have been! I am trying to be more excited than nervous... I figured I would be calm, I figured wrong. Father be with me today, fill me Holy Spirit. Give me your calm, your peace, your patience, your love..."

And this is what I wrote in the journal I had been keeping for Dustin that was part of his wedding gift. The journal that held a years worth of my thoughts and prayers for the man I would marry.

"The night before we marry. I feel like the little girl on 'Father of the Bride'. The little girl in her father's memory, that little girl telling him that she was getting "Maaarrieeeed!" She was so little, so young. I feel as such. So young, a little scared. Ok, very scared, but extremely hopeful of what the future holds for us. I am nervous too. About walking down the isle, balling my eyes out, seeing you standing there waiting for me, my beloved. After that I know I will be fine... the moment I can look into your eyes. This, the moment we have waited for for so very long. But it has been worth it, all of the trouble and struggle and heart ache. I love you Dustin. I love you with a heart that is purely yours. I pray we learn to love each other more and more as Christ loves us. I know we will fail many times. But as Daddy encouraged me tonight, we must never stop, never give up, never quit. "And let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." This is what God is showing me life is all about. Persevering. Enduring. Marriage will require both. Yes, I am scared. But I trust God. And I know that He has chosen you for me. I am excited to be your wife and your helper. I love you with all of my heart.

Your almost-wife (in 17 hours), Mika'l

Hmm... almost prophetic.

An Anniversary Post (3)

In lieu of our 9^th anniversary: A celebratory post, to remember, to give thanks for, to reflect and of course post pictures!

 I remember it as if it were yesterday. His form walking slowly, deliberately across the church parking lot. Head down, hat on, arms lanky, hands already calloused. I was watching through the window, I knew he was walking towards me, to find me. And I couldn't breathe. I was matching hot dogs to buns. Why was it so hot all of a sudden? I meant to get a way, to catch my breath but I couldn't move so there I stood with hot dog in hand, staring as he walked in. He smiled. Then I smiled, my heart beating faster. I think it was then that I knew.

I loved this boy-man.

I had been fighting it for so long. Not sure if it was right. I had told him I wasn't ready to be committed to a relationship. I needed to focus on God and His call for my life. I was prayerful. I was scared. I had been told not to. So how do I ignore this? This feeling that controlled my every thought, and now my very breathing?

I remember sitting next to him that night, very aware of his closeness, his smile, his smell. I remember praying. God, help me to trust you, with these feelings, with my life, with his life, I want to obey, help me to trust...

When I think back to those moments I am reminded of God's care and of His providence. Even then he was preparing us for something greater.

I have found that same prayer on my lips so many times these last 9 years. In the moments of not knowing, not understanding, wishing it were different... God help me to trust... I want to obey.. help me...

And He has. He has been faithful to carry us in the times of darkness, to hold us up when we wanted to give up, to whisper, I'm here, when we felt abandoned and Just wait, when we knew this couldn't be 'it'.

Several months ago a dear friend asked me, "Do you view your marriage as a blessing? Can you be thankful for it?"

In my answer I saw my heart. God had carried me so far, yet still I had not yet fully surrendered to what I did not understand... His providence... His perfect plan for our lives... His heart for His people.

God has used that simple question to transform my heart and turn it towards my husband and towards my marriage in such a sweet, miraculous way. I could not write these posts if it were not so.

I can honestly say that God has brought Dustin and I to a very sweet place in life, with each other. I am even saying that after a little spat we had last night! Oh how thankful I am!

It has taken a long time, but God is faithful even to the most wayward of hearts. What I had to realize was that God had been working the whole time. Not only working, he had been in my very midst, a vital part of what was happening in and around me. Before time He had chosen to use what would become my biggest idol (my marriage) to break my ideal of how life and God worked together.

I thought I had to protect Him from all of the bad and ugly, to separate Him from it. What I am learning is that God chooses to use the "foolish things of the world to shame the wise; He chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chooses the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of Him..." (1Cor.1:27-30a)

I am the foolish, I am the weak, I am the lowly, the despised, the broken, the blind, the crippled.

And through the pain, the suffering, the questioning, He was calling me to something more, something greater. Just as he does each of us, my friend.

God has given me new sight. He has allowed me to see some of the purpose in it all, an unpromised blessing I do not take for granted.

Refreshment from repentance - Acts 3:19-20

Eternal glory that far outweighs my troubles - 2 Cor. 4:17

Comforting others with the comfort I have received from God - 2 Cor. 1:4

Post - abortion ministry

Submitting to God, resisting the devil, him fleeing - James 4:7

The peace of Christ ruling - Colossians 3:15

The word of Christ richly dwelling - Col 3:16

Going to Ukraine to encourage women

Bearing with one another, forgiving one another and being the recipient of - Col 3:13

Being met by God - Philippians 4:19

The eyes of my heart being enlightened to the HOPE to which I have been called - Eph.1:18

Learning to truly love my husband

Seeing Christ's power being worked out in my life - Eph. 1

Having proof that He works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will - Eph. 1:11

Finding contentment in the midst of discontentment

Fulfilling the law of Christ through bearing another's burden - Gal 6:2

Being Free - Galatians 5:1

Being restored to grace - Galatians 3:3; 4:8-9,15; 5:1

Having the opportunity to show my children what grace looks like in the every day.

God working - John 5:16

Watching my son walk with the same gait of his father

A heart of flesh instead of stone - Ezekiel 11:19

Sowing tears and reaping songs of joy -Psalm 126:5

Being set free - Ps. 117:5


Forgiven, healed, redeemed, crowned, satisfied - Ps. 103

Seeing beauty in the un-beautiful

Being given a crown of beauty instead of my ashes - Isaiah 61

Marriage becoming a blessing...