A Squeezed Lemon

We have finished.

We are home.

We are exhausted.

I can’t explain to you what I am feeling. As we pulled away from the house I began to weep.  We had accomplished what we had come to do. And we firmly believe that God accomplished what He had set out to do before time began.

It was an overwhelming thought.

As we were driving through the snow, passing buildings and people walking, I was struck by how much I love this place. I almost don’t want to even try and explain to you. My thoughts and feelings are so precious to me. How can you possibly understand? How can you know?

I love this place differently than I have ever loved any other place. It’s not a sweet easy love.  It is harsh and raw. I am afraid of it. Almost because I don’t want it. But I have it and I feel I don’t have a choice. So what am I to do?

I see the faces of these women and I love them. I feel their pain. Their tears are my tears. And I love them.

I have wrestled this week. I have fought with every ounce of strength that I had. We walked amongst the dead, but now we rejoice with those who are alive. We came to them while they were in prison and handed them the key that had been handed to us. And we watched them as they place the key in the lock, turned it, opened the door and walked out.

We stand in awe and amazement. We watched as the light entered their eyes. Literally. And we watched as God answered prayer after prayer after prayer for these women…specifically. We saw his transforming power unfold before our very eyes. How can I share these things with you? How can you understand?

I feel I know what it was that Elijah felt after he had watched God take the victory over the prophets of Baal. And then he ran and hid. How should any of us survive after seeing the power of God? It is almost too much to endure. Our bodies and minds are so finite, so fragile.

 “I am a squeezed lemon” is a Ukrainian idiom. It means there is nothing left within me to give.

And that is what we feel. We have truly given our all and laid everything bare before God and these precious women. And now we wait for God’s renewing whisper. For He was not in the fire, He was not in the thunder, but the quiet, gentle wind…

Thank you for holding us up. Please continue to do so… we are far from done.