Then and Now

July 4th 2008

July 4th 2012

My how the years go by in a flash!

Thankful for the freedom we have in Christ. And the freedom we have in our country to raise our families in the ways of the Lord.

A Dimple in my Heart

Believe it or not (and I don't) Baby Judah will be 5 weeks old tomorrow. This picture was taken a couple of weeks ago and already he's changed so much. Why do they do that?

Just as his sweet chin holds a permanent dimple, so does my heart. A Judah size dimple that grows each day.

His latest, you wonder?

He's loosing his hair on top, so he's looking even more like a little old man.

He has the most pleasant face when you talk to him. He loves being the center of attention.

He started smiling just yesterday! And made this mama cry just a bit...

He loves being held and sleeps the best when he's in someone's arms! (yes, I realize that I'm in trouble!)

Life has gotten busier since his arrival, but slowed down at the same time.  That's something I keep hearing myself say to the older kids a lot, "Life slows down when you have a baby... just be patient." They are learning and so am I.

It's so fun having four. And I'm loving it.

Some Bad Advice

Not sure if any of you are Reader's Digest fans. We are. We enjoy the occasional mindless reading on a fourth grade level. And the information you can glean, not to mention the funnies, well... you just don't know what you're missing!

As I was flipping through the little magazine this past weekend I came across something that made me stop, laugh and then read out loud to Dustin in disbelief.

He laughed too, rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. Should we really be surprised anymore?

I know you are dying to know what it was that we read, so here it is:

Wacky Health Tips That Work

1) Eat Sugar, Act Sweeter: University of Kentucky researchers found that people who drank a glass of sugar-sweetened lemonade acted less aggressively than people who had the same drink with a sugar substitute. Self-control takes a lot of energy, and the glucose may help give your brain the fuel it needs to hold back hostility and be more positive. But instead of binging on sweets, stick to a balanced diet to avoid blood sugar spikes and dips.

2) Curse to Kill Pain: You'll feel better if you let loose with some profanity after you whack your funny bone. U.K. researchers found that participants who repeated a swear word could keep their hands in freezing water longer than those who repeated a non-curse word. One caveat: The trick works better if you're not a regular potty mouth!

3) Make Important Decisions When You (Really) Gotta Go: People with full bladders may be better at making big decisions, according to a Dutch study. If you show self-control in terms of a bodily function (such as going to the bathroom), you're more likely to show self-control in decision making, holding out for a long-term reward instead of jumping on an impulse.

Yes, quite wacky I know. But what's even wackier is that there are actual people sitting behind desks thinking of these ridiculous things to research!

While reading these crazy 'tips' I was reminded of some of the words of wisdom I heard repeated over and over at a local homeschool conference I attended a couple of weekends ago. They were such a good reminder to me to keep going and to not get discouraged in the crazy life as a homeschool mom of (now) 4.

It's easy to compare our lives and children with those around us and get discouraged or even scared when things don't quite match up. I know I do this. Academically, spiritually, behaviorally, etc.

I need to be reminded that we are supposed to look different because we are doing things differently! Not better. Just different. And that each and every child is sososooo different! Why force them all through the same mold?

It would be silly for us to look to the 'world' (anything outside of God's way) for advice, encouragement or even practical how to's. I think Reader's Digest proves this point! Not that God can't use anything, but He wants to encourage us primarily through His Word and by those who are like minded in His ways - not Dr. Phil. (sorry Dr. Phil fans)

We are headed into homeschool year #3. It's the first year that I haven't dissolved into tears at the thought of it. Maybe the 3rd year's a charm...?

I pray God continues to hold us up and to grant wisdom. Parenting/homeschooling is such a tough job. I need all the help we can get.

Maybe I should load up on some sugar. I feel my energy (and sweetness) level waning...

A Daddy's Day

Once Upon A Time...

There was a little girl and her daddy. And they went birshin'.

Birshin'? You wonder.

Well, the little girl was only three and that was the best she could do. "Fishin'" was the correct way of saying it.

Well they went birshin' and caught all kinds of birsh. Big ones, little ones. Some they kept. Some they threw back. They hooked worms and ate sandwiches and then all of a sudden...!

BIG GIGANTIC  SNAKES... Came out of nowhere!

They were hanging from trees, falling in the boat. Swimming down the river right towards them!

Well, that little girl of three wasn't too scared cause she had her daddy with her. And she knew that he would protect her.

Sure enough, he grabbed his handy dandy pistol, that he must have kept in his boot, and started shootin'! I mean he shot that snake right OUT of that tree! And the ones swimming towards them, poor things didn't have a chance.

POW! POW! POW!

Her daddy was the best shot in the town, ya know.

And don't worry about the one that fell in the boat...

That daddy yanked that thing by it's tail. Flung it around his head a few times then threw it in the river!

She was so proud. But not surprised. Because, simply put, he was her hero.

So they counted their fish and drove that little john boat off into the sunset towards home.

----------------------------------------------

Well, folks, I am sad to say that the story you just read is all a lie, a fabrication. Yes, a bit of an exaggeration.

But what's even sadder is the fact that I didn't realize this wasn't true until just a couple of years ago.

See, the little girl was me. And my daddy really did take me fishin' in the little john boat along the Ashy Poo River when I was three.

But there were never any snakes.

I was telling this story to some of my family, fondly reminiscing, when Mom and Daddy stopped me.
They proceeded to tell me that I must have made this up in my head because, there were never any snakes! I couldn't believe it. I mean, I was truly devastated! I had not only believed this to be true my entire life, I had even told people this story, bragging on my daddy and how stinkin' great he was!

We all had a good laugh that night.

Later I got to thinking about how this could have happened. Where had the snakes come from (inside my mind) and how could I have believed for so long that this had really happened?

It didn't take me long to realize there was a simple answer.

I love my daddy with all of my heart and simply put, he's my hero.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you. And thanks for taking me birshin'.

Happy Anny to Us!

I know you must all be waiting with bated breath for another 6 part Anniversary post. I am so sorry to disappoint. Yes, it is our 10th Anniversary today and probably warrants such. But alas, that ship has sailed and another has sailed in (we call him Judah) so this will have to suffice.

The other day I was napping on the couch. The older three were at Nana's and baby was snug by my side. I turned on a Netflix movie for some background noise, something I could sleep through. The cursor landed on Emma, a Jane Austin movie. Good enough.

I dozed in and out for most of the movie. At one point my ears picked up the monologue Emma was having with herself.

Emma, making it her personal mission to play match maker has found herself in a possible match with Mr. Churchill. This was what she wrote in her diary that night... 

"Well, he loves me! He was on the verge of telling me when his father burst in.

I felt listless after he left and had some sort of a headache, so I must be in love as well. I must confess, I expected love to feel somewhat different than this. I may determine how deep a love I feel through his absence."

As I laid there with my eyes closed, feeling the warmth of the little body next to me, I smiled. Laughed really. "Listless and a bit of a headache...??" Is that all love is?

No, of course not. I mean, he does give me a headache every now and then. And I'm sure I make him feel listless after a week of playing 'housewife'. But I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of listlessness or headache our dear Emma was referring to.

Thankfully, for those of you wondering, Emma does come to her senses, as much as a character from a Jane Austin movie can. She sees the irredeemable faults in Mr. Churchill (not to mention he was engaged to another anyway) and suddenly awakens to the love she has for the one and only Mr. Knightly. *Sigh*

HOW ROMANTIC!!

(gag)

So what does love look like 10 years later?

Love is ~

Watching your man rock a baby in the middle of the night.

Stretching across fuzzy heads to steal a kiss.

Your heart leaping just a bit when you hear the front door open after a long day.

Waking up to five loads of laundry folded neatly on the table.

That feeling of security.

Him calling to let you know he got a babysitter for tonight.

My head against his chest.

Catching him staring at me.

Long car rides of comfortable quiet.

Working it out.

Forgiving and being forgiven.

Holding his hand and still loving it.

Understanding without words.

Deep compassion for the other, even when you're hurt.

Crying at the thought of losing him.

Praying so hard.

Watching him hug the other little lady in his life.

Seeing the trash can out by the road.

Watching him play catch with my little men, their eyes glowing.

Text messaged pictures of him and the kids having fun on dates.

Him saying no to meetings to be at baseball games.

Conversations about nothing that mean everything.

The quiet "I love you's".

Smelling him while making the bed every morning.

Picking up clothes dropped on the floor.

Seeing him in each of my four children.

Looking forward to more of him...

If you ask me, that beats any silly Jane Austin movie!

Happy Anny, Baby! Can't wait for the rest of our lives...

May I Introduce

David "Judah" Qualls

Born May 23, 2012

at 6:26 in the morning.

He weighed 7lbs. 1oz

and was 21 inches long.

Our hearts are beyond full. And as his name Judah tells us to, we are praising the Name of the Lord!

He sure took his time on deciding to make an appearance. But once his mind was made up, he was done wasting time. He got down to business and so did his Mama.

I woke up around 3am to a couple of hard contractions. But didn't take them too seriously until a little after 4:00 when I decided to call the midwife. We made a plan to meet at the center at 6:00 since it takes an hour for us to get there. Shortly before 5:00, the time we had planned to leave, I suddenly felt an urgency to get there. We quickly threw the rest of our stuff in the van and peeled out of the drive way. I was thankful to have my mother-in-law riding in the back with me. Her presence and her arms and hands were an amazing support to me.

The hour in the car was quite intense to say the least. I was praying we would just get there.

Ten minutes or so before we arrived, I knew something was changing. Denise, calmly encouraging me, said we would be there soon. I was so relieved at the the thought of the car ride being over. But before I could rejoice for long, my contractions began to roll over into another with hardly a pause in between. I knew it had to be soon. Just how soon would be the surprise of my life. 

As soon as we made it into the center, the midwife told me I was 8cm dilated. We 'walked' down the hallway. I tried to stop and breathe through the contraction, but I think Jill knew there would be no time. She and Dustin taking each arm, hoisted me to the back, as my feet shuffled to keep up. In my trance-like state, I couldn't understand why I couldn't just stop.

I heard voices telling me to do this and that. Get up on the bed? Is that what they said? But I was only allowed to do what my body told me to do. "I want to get in the tub, " I told them. She said no. "There's no time."

I found myself up on the bed surprised by the sudden change that was taking place in my body. The concentration and focus took every ounce of my energy. And I had to push.

This being my first unmedicated delivery I was surprised by the intensity of it. I had no choice. There was no stopping it.

Jill, my amazing midwife, was not caught by surprise. She answered my surprised, "I have to push!" with a calm, "Do what your body tells you."

And I did...

With the aid of one midwife and his daddy and before you could say lickety split, Little Man was HERE!!

Fifteen minutes after arriving at the birth center, Baby Judah joined our anxiously awaiting family.

I have found it amazing each time we have had a child that you don't have to try and love them. It doesn't take any work at all. It just happens. It's so natural. Easy. I love that. Your heart swells to another size. Just. Like. That.

I knew I wanted to name him after my Daddy. David means Beloved of God and my Daddy is beloved of me, so it fits nicely.

But we will call him Judah. I wanted the name of this baby to represent where God has brought us and the amazing work he has done in our hearts. I hope Leah of Genesis doesn't mind us copying her. We tried other names with similar meanings. But Judah is what my heart settled on from the very beginning. It means to Praise the Lord.

We aren't just surviving through life, through marriage, through parenting. We aren't roommates or cellmates or mates for life because we have to. We are walking together hand in hand, because we want to. And we are praising. With our hearts, with our lives, within our marriage and young family.

Praising the name of the one who has brought healing and hope. Granted forgiveness and renewal. And now another one of us as testimony to all He has done.

David Judah,

What a special blessing you are to us already. Even the thought of who you would be 9 months ago was enough blessing to make this Mama weep in praise.

And you are here now. And oh how deep our love runs for you.

I am loving getting to know you. How precious you are.

I love you, my sweet son. My heart overflows.

Just When you Finally Have things Figured Out

*WARNING: This post contains pregnancy talk and may not be suitable for the man who has no idea what being 4cm dilated means or gags at the mention of the word fluid.

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You find yourself still pregnant two days past your due date!

My friend told me that I jinxed myself. And maybe I did. But the reality is, I really had never made it to a due date! Not just once, but thrice, my friends. So what was I supposed to expect especially with a fourth pregnancy??

This has been a roller coaster of a week for me to say the least.

I thought labor had started twice. With strong contractions, intensifying over a 3-5 hour period. Only to stop as suddenly has it started.

I thought my water had broken. Yeah, not a pleasant thought when I realized it wasn't amniotic fluid!

I was told by my midwife that I was dilated to 4cm and most likely would go by the weekend. (It is now Tuesday)

I have had at least 3 days of constant, strong and uncomfortable cramping and contractions.

I have watched my due date come and go.

I have struggled with intense discomfort due to being so dilated.

I have had to endure the million questions and suggestions and opinions from well meaning family and friends. (Sorry if I have not responded well or not at all)

I have experienced swelling in my feet, legs, toes, hands, fingers, lips, face, nose, etc...

But the hardest part about this past week, has been the battle within my mind. I'd like to blame it all on the crazy hormones that are threatening to make me crazy. And maybe that's part of it.

Maybe it's the desperation I feel to be "unpregnant" as Levi would say.

Maybe it's because I'm just weary.

I'd really like to blame it on all those things. But in the end I know that I have to be responsible for my thoughts and actions.

I have experienced true weakness this week. True 'humanity'. Shame for not trusting. Embarrassment for letting my thoughts and emotions get the better of me. I have struggled with fear and anxiety like never before.

I came across a post I wrote just before going to Ukraine December of 2010. It's titled A Calming Presence. I wasn't looking for it, it just seemed to appear out of no where. I know it was the Lord speaking to me, encouraging me.

I was in a similar place just before leaving for Ukraine. Struggling with fear and doubt. But through that God showed me that it's ok. Even in the midst of our weakness, He has a plan. He can still use us. And still prove to us that He is God, holding all things together.

Sunday was particularly bad. I woke up in a panic. The fear had over taken me the night before and I had completely succumb to it. I believed the words of the one who was attacking and oh how far I fell.

I knew my mind needed renewing. But the weight of my Bible was almost too heavy to bear.

I asked my Mother-in-Law for some Scripture references. She is such a huge encouragement to me. She doesn't shy away from giving you Truth, even when you want someone to just feel sorry for you. Within minutes I had a slue of Scriptures dealing with fear and worry. I spent a long time meditating on them. Praying and crying through them. Allowing the Lord's peace to wash over me. I felt invigorated. Able to see clearly once again. To recognize my blessings and to be thankful.

This releasing of control has been so hard for me. Coming to terms with the fact that I have to place my trust in a God who doesn't promise ease and comfort. That His goal for us is to be holy and not always happy. That He is always good but isn't always safe. Well, it's been a moment by moment battle. The failures have threatened to shake me to my core. And the victories have been slight in comparison.

But thankfully, this is the encouragement we have:

Let the beloved of the Lord rest in him, for he shields him all day long and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders - Deut. 33:12

Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? - Lam. 3:37-38

...call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you...

I will be found by you - Jer. 29:11-14

Humble yourself under God's might hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your ENEMY the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the FAITH... And the God of grace... will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. - 1Peter 5

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship... - Rom. 8:15

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us... - Rom. 8:26

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither present or future, nor any powers... will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God - Rom 8:38

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will GUARD your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

Phil. 4

I am so thankful for freedom in Christ. That I can share these things with you, speak them out loud and not have to be shameful. My weakness can be used for the glory of God. And it should. There is nothing within us, no strength or power or goodness. Not even faithfulness or loyalty. It doesn't make sense that God would pursue this one-sided relationship with us. But he does. 

And oh how thankful I am for that.

So, take this from someone who speaks from experience. If you are trying to figure out life, even the small moments within life, stop right now and let go of control. You'll save yourself a lot of agony.

Oh, and would you mind reminding me of these things in a day or two?

Thanks.